Grief Journal: Priorities

21) Have your priorities changed since you lost your child?

Before Liam passed away my main goal was to keep him as healthy as possible. That was  my top priority. My second was to give him as normal a life as possible. It was extremely important that despite his many medical issues, that he be a normal boy and experience normal things.

Playing in the mud.
Going to races.
Going to school.
Having birthday parties.

(October 2015 Pumpkin Decorating)

Those are just to name a few. I didn't want him to feel any different than any other boy his age. I also wanted him to not be ashamed of his differences like:

His feeding tube (which he enjoyed showing EVERYONE).
His nasal cannula and oxygen (the kids at school said he was cool like an astronaut).
His frequent meds and breathing treatments.....
and more.

(November 2015 After having to go to school with his oxygen)

I would say that I succeeded greatly. Or that WE (my husband, daughter and I) succeeded greatly because it really was a team effort.

(2014)

However almost every minute of every day was planned out and busy. Even "free time". His schedule always came first. It was always TOP priority. His health was always TOP priority. We'd drop whatever we had to at a moments notice to rush to Valley Children's ER. Bags stayed packed with what I donned our hospital gear. Everything was meticulously planned out and there was always a back up plan.

When Liam passed I became lost. Even to this day 2 1/2 years later, I can look at the clock and tell you what I'd be doing if Liam were alive. Since his passing all our priorities changed. Yea we knew we could lose him in the blink of an eye because of what we went through in NICU and his first two years. As the years went by it became less and less likely though that it would happen. Then it did. We got a quick lesson in how quickly our lives could be over and one of us could be gone. That changed a lot of things for us, including our priorities.

Our main priority now is to give our daughter a better life. To enjoy life more than we did before and experiencing things we couldn't do because of Liam's health. We started kayaking as a part of this new outlook on life. I can tell you with almost perfect certanty that if Liam were here, we probably never would have even tried kayaking because it would have compromised his health and well being, plus my sanity because to have MY crazy wild little boy on a kayak would drive me to insanity with worry.

(August 2017 Justin, Lanie and I relaxing on the kayaks)

We try to work to enjoy life more versus work to pay bills only. I can say our lives did a complete 360. To be honest that's the only major priority.

Now I would trade it all back for my son in a hot second if I could.

Click Here for the entire list of journal prompts.

Grief Journal: Thanful

5) What have you been thankful for during your grief?

Finding something to be thankful for is hard. Almost two years later and I'm still struggling to tread water. The things that come to mind wouldn't be what most would probably think of but grief is different for everyone and there is no normal.

I'm thankful for my cats. Jack is my therapy cat in every sense of the word. He can feel my anxiety and my pain (maybe even my PTSD/depression flare ups) because every time I have a bad day, he's right there in my arms. And Ozzy, our 20 pound Maine Coon, is always making me laugh. He doesn't like cuddles but on my bad days he will day on my feet.

Jack

Ozzy

I am thankful for my daughter Lanie. Most days it seems that she's the only reason I get out of bed. She's beautiful and smart and has such a loving heart.

Lanie and Me.

I'm thankful for my soft turquoise blanket that I like to caccoon my self in when I'm not feeling well. And for my heating pad.

I am thankful for the family and friends that have stood by me during this journey of life after loss. It hasn't been easy. I am also thankful God gave me an outlet and a way to help others through Sent from Heaven.




Click here to view the entire list journal prompts for bereaved parents.

Journal Prompts for Bereaved Parents

As a parents whose lost a child I know how hard it can be to work through that grief and that pain. When my son Liam was born very sick in 2011, I needed an outlet and a way to remember the ups and downs on NICU and the CDH journey. I found writing in a journal or even blogging helped me better than anything else. You can be completely honest in your journal without fear of judgment. Sometimes all I needed was to write down all my fears and worries to work past them. So why would my grief be any different? I decided to start actively working through my grief through journaling and wanted to share these prompts with you. My hope is that they help us all in some way.

To see my answers click the "Click here" after each journal prompt.

1) What would you like  other people to know or do after someone loses a child?    Click here

2) Describe a time you told someone (who didn't already know) about your loss.     Click here

3) What has been confusing during your grief?    Click here

4) What has been surprising during your grief?    Click here

5) What have you been thankful for during your grief?    Click here

6) How did you choose your child's name?    Click here

7) What do you now find difficult to do that you didn't before you lost a child?     Click here

8) If I could tell my child something, I would say...    Click here

9)Some well-meaning but hurtful things people have said or done are...    Click here

10) What are some secondary loses to the loss of your child.    Click here

11) Try writing your child's story in 100 words or less.   Click here

12) What quote or scripture has been meaningful or comforting? Why?   Click here

13) Write a bucket list.  Click here

14) Plan something in honor of your child on a day that means something.  Click here

15) Write a letter to your child. Click here

16) Write an acrostic poem using your child's name.    Click here

17) Make a list of goals for yourself that you hope to accomplish by a year form now or what you would like to be different in a year.  Click here

18) Create a word cloud, print it or paste it in your paper journal or on your blog. You can use Wordle or Tagxedo.  Click here

19) What have you learnt about yourself through the loss of your child? Click here

20) How do you feel different than you did before you lost your child? Click here

21) Have your priorities changed since you lost your child? Click here

22) Pick a common well-meaning quote someone has said to you. Do you believe that it's true? Why or why not?  Click here

23) What do you do when you feel like you're the only one grieving?   Click here

24) Has your faith changed?  Click here

25) What are the ways of grieving you feel society expects of you because you are a man or woman? Do you break these "rules"?

26) Which ways of grieving seem to bring you and your partner closer? Further apart?

27) What is one of your favorite memories from your child's life, even if they only lived in the womb?

28) What would you like your friends and family to do to honor and remember your child?

29) Is there anything that happens or anything you do that makes you feel most connected to your child?

30) What song has been meaningful or comforting? Why?

31) Write a list of words that describe your child.

32) If you could keep only one memory of your child, what would it be?

33) When you're having a particularly hard day, week, etc, what do you wish others would understand?

34) What are the questions people asked that you appreciate them asking?

35) How have your relationships changed since you lost your child?

36) Do you have any new fears or worries since you lost your child?

37) How has your response to grief been different from those closest to you?

38) What emotion has been the most overwhelming through your grief?

39) What unanswered questions, if any do you have?

40) What things are you still able to find joy in?

41) "Grief ambushes" are times when you experience a flood of emotion at an unexpected time. Describe some of the grief ambushes you have experienced.

42) Do you think your grief will ever end? Why.why not?

43) Although the bible shares specific details about heaven, our human understanding is limited. What do you wish you knew about heaven?

44) Identify your own ideas about how you as a man or woman are supposed to "handle" your grief. Are you following these ideas?

45) No one can imagine what it's like to lose a child until they have actually experienced it. Has anything about your grief journey been different than you imagined it would be?

46) Are you doing anything unhealthy in response to grief or are you tempted to?

47) If death is a natural process of life, why do you think so many people act uncomfortable talking about it and various aspects of grief?

48) Identify the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs you have right now.

49) Has anyone said anything that made you feel they were trying to rush you through  your grief?

50) How can you use your grief journey to help others?

51) Is anger about the loss of your child a good or bad thing?

52) How has grief impacted you physically?

53) Name a flower than reminds you of your child.