Grief Journal: What You Should Know

1) What would you like other people to know or do after someone loses a child?

To be perfectly honest the best thing you can do for someone when they lose a child is be there for them. It may be painful for you but I guarantee it's a trillion times painful for them and if you love them, show up.

You don't have to have the right words. In fact what you feel are the right words could very well be the wrong ones. Just hug them or hold their hand. Place your hand on their shoulder as their sobbing.

Little things will mean so much more than you can possibly imagine. Showing up on their doorstep with coffee or food is absolutely huge. During those first few weeks, everything is a blur. You forget everything, including to eat. If your at their house and you see the dishes need to be washed, just do them. Don't ask because they'll always say no. Do a load of laundry for them if it's piled up. It may seem trivial to you but it's extremely helpful.

Remember that after the funeral, they still need you. Just because they laid their child to rest doesn't mean they laid their pain to rest. They still need you to stop by and text them weeks after. Months after. 

Within a week or two after my sons memorial people stopped showing up or calling. After two months it felt like everyone forgot. At 3 months into this journey, I became so depressed  that I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't call or text anyone. No one bothered to check on me. I laid there without any concept of time. I was so engulfed in pain that I was sure my heart would stop at any second. Truthfully I prayed it would. At 6 months I tried to function but failed miserably. I felt completely alone in my grief. This is why I tell people that their loved ones need them long after the funeral. I had a friend who lost a child stand up and tell all our friends and family this very thing but they failed to follow through. 

The holidays are so hard on someone whose lost a child. They feel it even more because these are times for family. The birthday and day of loss are two big ones as well. Call them. Check on them. Let them know you remembered and your thinking of their angel as well. It means more than you'll ever imagine. 

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