3) What has been confusing during your grief?
Grief is a "funny" thing. It messes with our hearts and our minds. So much has been confusing to be since the loss of my son. Like how I've continued to live when my heart hurts so very much.
The most confusing for me though is the chain of events that lead to my sons death.
In November he caught a cold. He was sick yet he was his normal smiling and laughing, energetic little boy. He stayed sick for a few weeks then got better. After only 2 days he began getting sick again. On the Monday before he passed I took him to urgent care for chest xrays knowing how prone he was to pneumonia but because of how happy and energetic he was, the doctor refused.
That night he got worse. The next morning I rushed him back to urgent care, on oxygen. He was extremely exhausted but seemed fine otherwise. Suddenly in the waiting room he turned blue. They transferred him to ER where he later died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism.
Because of his weak immune system his body couldn't fight off the cold and it became a blood infection. That infection created the pulmonary embolism. If his veins hadn't been covered in so much scar tissue they would have been able to save him but years of being poked for IV's and blood draws left it impossible to gain IV access. We had just removed his mediport a year and a half prior to that.
It confuses me how he was so happy and bouncing around then suddenly he was gone. It confuses me how a cold turned into a blood infection. He confuses me that he was here and then gone the next second.
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