:( Not so Good news from the GI Doc

I just got back from Liam's GI doctor appointment. I really like the doctor, Dr Gookin (I know I most likely missed spelled his name). The appointment was very informative. He came in already knowing Liam's history, extinsively and with a game plan. We talked about Liam's lungs how he was just in the hospital back in january for aspiration. He wants to do a swollow study on Liam to see if he is aspirating when he swollows or when he vommits. We need to make sure that its not when he swollows otherwise when we feed him via mouth it'll just go into his lungs. They also want another gastic emptying study preformed. We discussed several things. Liams weight gain was one. Liam has actually lost a little over a pound from the last time he was weighed. Liam has no weighted to loose. Dr Gookin as well as every other doctor we've talked to is concerned about Liams lungs and thinks that all he needs is to grow bigger and stronger. He started talking about options to getting the callories into Liam. I told him how the surgeon, Dr Jones that did Liam fundo/G-Tube said that if the fundo didn't work they'd have to do another procedure that opens (or removes) the muscle that connects the stomach to the intestines to deal with his slow emptying. He said that yea that is an option but he wanted to try something that wasnt so envasive, something that could be reversable. He wants to do a GJtube. We have 1 week to see if Liam can hold down feeds at an 18 hour continuos feed of 41 ml's per hour. If he cant then he has to have a GJtube. They will insert in the same insition that was previously made for the gtube the it will thread down past the muscle and into the beginning of his intestines without cutting into them. The GJtube will have the option of feeding him solids still and even into his stomach as well as intestines. The dr thinks this is what he needs but would like to try the 18 hour continuos feed before jumping to that. Im feeling like if I cant get Liam to handle these feed that Ill be even more of a failure that I feel now. This is so stressful. To do this procedure Liam will have to be put under and intubated. The highest risk doing this is intubating him. His lungs might not handle it this time. Im trying really hard to feel like its all my fault and not blame myself for everything. It doesn't matter how unfounded those feeling are, I still feel them.