Acceptance

We must learn to accept the past before we can move on to the future. 

Acceptance does not mean forgetting or even forgiving. Just coming to terms with what has happened, admitting that "yes this did happen". 

Have I accepted our past that Liam was born with CDH and our journey has been a long hard and horrible road? Honestly and truthfully? Yes. I have come to terms with the reality that which is. I accept that it happen. And in accepting it I feel free to talk about what happened. To share my feelings verbally and truthfully admit it all. 

Yes it happened. My son was born with CDH. He almost died many times. He wasn't expected to survive and his doctors are baffled he did. Going through all that hurt more than anything I've ever experienced and it still brings tears to my eyes. My heart and soul felt shadddered. I never thought they'd be able to be mended but 2 years and 9 1/2 months later I am mending. Instead of feeling shadddered and broken beyond repair, I feel as if I've been stitched together. Still sore and healing but mending none the less. 

It's hard to put into words exactly what it feels like to be at this point. The pain is still there but lessened in severity. I feel free-er. Able to breathe easier. When I look at my son my brain doesn't automatically register the pain of our journey and memories of NICU. No instead sometimes my brain just sees a normal boy standing there, forgetting for a moment that we were ever affected by CDH. 

I'm not sure when I got to this point but it seems to have tipped my world on it's axis. Learning to adjust to a little boy who has everyday normal issues like getting into mischief and telling me no is a strange concept after everything we've endured. I can't pin point the day my brain finally said "we're good". I know it's a slow process but faith is key to it all. 

In the last week I've had less anxiety attacks and more laughs. I haven't gotten anymore sleep than I already had but things seem so much better. 

I'm writing this all because I remember when I was desperate for info on CDH and how long all the "bad stuff" would last. There wasn't anyone's journey or advice to be found anywhere. So now I offer mine. 

IT GETS BETTER!!

I can't give you a timeline because everyone heals on their own time. Each CDH journey is different so it's probably accurate to say every healing period is different. We all need our time to grieve and there is no timeline to greave. 

I look back on our journey and yea I am a bit sad but I can also rejoice that I have a purpose in life and one is to spread awareness. 

Rejoice today because tomarrow might never come!!

(Forever Love written by me)

My dear boy,

The son I always wanted,

You may not be what expected,

But the best gifts are surprises. 

You kept me on my toes,

Gave me a reason when I needed it. 

When I look into your eyes,

All I see is endless love for eternity. 

You were worth the wait my love,

Every pain and heart break.

For you I would do anything,

Hand you the world if I could. 

Because of you 

I am not afraid. 

Forever will I love you sweet

Forever will you be my miracle. 

❤️❤️❤️