Learning Curve

Everyday is a learning experience here at the Bryant household. Either Liam is learning a new "trick" or we're learning something about him. Today Liam has learned he has a voice. My sweet quiet boy has become a very expressive baby. He has spent the day screaming a high pitch scream then smilling at us. I love that my little man has learned to use his voice and I love hearing it. After not being able to hear his sweet little voice for what felt like forever, I cherish all his sweet noises. With that being said, my ears are killing me and my head is throbbing. His very beautiful sweet high pitch scream has taken his toll on my head today. I had forgotten all about this stage that most all babies go through. That or I just figured Liam would never get there because up until today his voice has been soft and quiet. Still I am going to cherish every single little cry, scream and shriek that he decides to make. Even if it means my head feeling like I was hit with a sledge hammer. No matter how bad I hurt when he screamed today I smiled at him and told him he was doing a good job. I didn't lie to him. He is doing a good job learning his voice and different pitch's. I think about his sweet litte voice everytime he has to be re-intubated, like for his Gtube/fundop surgery. I was so scared that they wouldn't be able to excubate him and that it would again be awhile before I got to hear his voice again. In january we have to take him to the polmunologist so they can do another xray and ultrasound of his lungs. If they don't get the answers they're looking for they'll have to do a CT scan. Because you have to be very still for a CT and babies aren't at all still they will have to put him under. When they put him under they will intubate him again. They don't want to do that unless they absolutly feel they have to because everytime they do his lung colapses. Everytime he gets intubated there is always a chance they wont be able to excubate him. Not being able to excubate him means we won't be able to hear his sweet voice. When youe babies are screaming and you'd do anything for them to be quiet, just keep in mind that some parents would give anything to be able to hear their babies voice. Even if they're crying or screaming. Every cry, every scream is a blessing and hope for parents who's babies were intubated at birth and struggling for life. Everytime you think you've had enough, remember theres parents out there that would rather have a screaming baby than to have lost their precious child. This situation with Liam has opened our eyes to a whole new world that we didn't even know about. So instead of being fed up with Liams screams I cherish them. Instead of wanting to scream myself after having sleepless nights, I cuddle my son and we take a nap together. Most parents would probably be upset if their child had to have a Gtube to feed. Me, I know the alternative for Liam. I couldn't care less about the Gtube because that simple little device is allowing my son to get nutrition and grow. Without it, it would mean hospitalization, IV's and watching my son struggle for life and possibly death eventually. When you've gone through what we've gone through, you'll take what you can get. Cherish your babies. Hold them close and love on them. You should thank God daily your babies are healthy and happy and that he blessed you with them. I know i've gotten a bit side tracked in this blog and that it seems I always do that, but I feel some things should be said. I read blogs daily on other CDH babies journey. Just last night I was reading one where they lost their little girl at 5 months old back in August. They never got to take her home. While reading her blog, I read her struggles in getting over the loss of their sweet little angel. My heart went out to them and I cried. I couldn't help myself. It's part of survivors guilt