When Liam passed, my world shattered.
I didn't just loose him.
I lost a life time that we should have had.
Christmases.
Watching the ball drop.
Holidays.
Making treats for his class.
Watching him learn to ride a bike without training wheels.
Birthdays.
In just one month, it will be Liam's birthday.
A day we should have celebrated with cake and presents.
Family and friends.
Smiles and laughter.
But we lost all that the instant his heart stopped beating.
Instead of a lifetime of making memories and watched him grow, we have a lifetime ahead of us of pain and heartbreak.
Of what ifs and whys.
It's a pain you can't understand unless you've gone through it.
It's breaks your heart.
Feels like your hearts in a vice.
It rips your soul to shreds until you can barely see the light, if at all most days.
It breaks you like nothing else can.
The pieces lay there, but you'll never pick them all up.
You'll never put them all back together.
There will always be something missing.
For me, that's Liam.
My son never made it to 5 years old.
I always said when he turned 5 that we were going to have a huge party to celebrate his life and how far he'd come.
But he never made it.
Because of CDH.
Because CDH caused his lungs to be weak and his immune system to struggle.
Because he couldn't fight off a virus that wouldn't harm a healthy person.
A virus that was basically your common cold.
Because of CDH his little body couldn't fight it and it turned into a blood infection and a pulmonary embolism that took him away from us.
I can't tell you how much I hate CDH for what it's done to our lives.
To our son.
I should be planning a party for my little lamb.
But instead I'm sitting here crying afraid of what that day will bring.
One day post op from repair surgery. Liam was 8 days old. http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2012/07/looking-back-72211.html
A look back on Liam's first year http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2012/07/rewind.html
First cuddles
Bringing Liam home from NICU
Liam's first Christmas Eve http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2011/12/bryants-special-christmas-eve.html
Liam's first Christmas http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2011/12/blessed-christmas.html
Liam's first New Years
Almost 6 months old http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2012/01/almost-6-months.html
First trip to Build A Bear http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2012/01/first-trip-to-build-bear-workshop.html
First trip to church http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2012/01/1st-trip-to-church.html
11 month old pictures http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2012/06/11-months-old.html
Liam's 1 year photos http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2012/07/liams-one-year-pictures.html
Liam's 1st birthday party http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2012/07/we-made-it.html
First trip to the pumpkin patch
Liam's 2 year photos http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2013/07/take-1.html
Liam's 2nd birthday
Looking back at Liam's 2nd year so far http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2013/11/joyful-and-triumphant.html
1 day post op medoport removal
Almost 3 years old http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2014/07/3-days-till-3.html
Liam's 1st thanksgiving class party. His first year of preschool http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2014/11/liam-1st-thanksgiving-class-party.html
Liam's 4th (and last) birthday
Liam's 1st and 2nd day of Preschooo (year 2)
Liam's last school picture day http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2015/10/picture-day-and-more.html
Stomping in puddles
The beginning of the end http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2015/10/fighting-uphill-battle.html
Continuing to fight
The day we lost him
There is so much about his life not posted on this blog, but one day at a time, there will be more to tell.
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