My therapist loves to tell me:
This statement, which I've heard others spout, is meant to be reassuring and calming. What they don't take into account, are those stuffing from PTSD. Sure maybe for a normal person they can choose not to be sad all the time, or to move past this and not have flash backs. When you suffer from PTSD, you don't have a choice when the flashbacks strike. Especially if your PTSD has to do with the loss of someone.
"grief is a choice. You can choose not to be sad. You can choose to move on"
Truthfully, I had PTSD before my son passed away. My therapist thinks I've had it since I was around 5. Any traumatic event I went through since then, has only made my PTSD worse. My sons traumatic birth open a flood gate of symptoms and his passing only made it exponentially worse. I have no say when I'll get a flashback or what it's about and I surely can't prevent them. I don't choose to be like this. I don't choose to "live in the past". Having someone say to me that I have a choice is both laughable and hurtful.
I want to break the chains of stigmatism when it comes to grief, depression and PTSD. When I tell someone that I have PTSD, I can see the change in their eyes. Their pupils get a little bigger, their eyes a little wider. Their mouth opens a little and sometimes even a quiet gasp escapes. All before they even have a chance to school their expression. Some even go as far as taking a step back to put space between us, without even realizing they're doing it. It's not meant to be hurtful. It's just an involuntary action. Yet it still hurts. Everything after that just seems fake and forced.
PTSD isn't something I go around telling everyone I have. Why would I? In fact it's something I feel I was quiet about all too long. I was afraid of how stupid it sounded that I had PTSD. I have never seen war. I have never been in the military. So yea, even to me it sounded stupid. That was before I found out that the majority of those who have PTSD that is non war related, are afraid to talk about it.
There are many situations that can cause PTSD. In fact it's name alone explains a lot. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Do you know what that means? It means any situation that is traumatic can cause PTSD. It's a traumatic situation that puts so much stress on your brain that it goes into what I call "safe mode" in order to protect yourself. Some situations can be blocked from your memory for years before they surface again and when they do, it comes in flashbacks that feel like your there in that moment all over again.
Your brain then creates triggers associated with that traumatic event. Smells, sounds, whatever. When your brain recognizes a trigger, it goes into "safe mode". You may start feeling anxious or worried and don't know why. You could get clammy, have a racing heart, experience the feeling of impending doom. This is your brain trying to protect you. It's normal for PTSD sufferers to go through this and more.
For parents that had babies in the NICU, they don't just get better once their child is better. For years they may try to prevent their child from getting sick or hurt. When their child does get sick, or even ends up in the hospital, their symptoms once again act up and they even experience flashbacks from their time in the NICU. Here are some statistics for your:
1.5-6% of of mother's reported having PTSS following childbirth.
26-41% of mother's reported having PTSS after having a premature baby.
27% of parents are reported to have PTSD following PICU.
20% of parents who have a child who suffers from cancer is reported to suffer from PTSS.
44% of NICU mom's are reported to suffer from PTSD,
There's more of us out there than we know, but most are just afraid to come forward and seek the help they need or to talk about what they're going through. If you suffer fro PTSD, PSS, or depression you shouldn't be ashamed. It's not your fault. As I stated above, this is your brains way of trying to protect you. For lots of people, talking about it helps. If you don't feel you can talk to your family or your friends, then seek therapy. It always helps to have a sounding board to let all your fears out on. Someone who will reassure you that, if anything, your not going crazy. I know having since I started therapy after my son passed that it helped me. I'm learning more about what PTSD and depression is and how it affects every aspect of my life.
A therapist will also let you know if you need to seek out a doctor to prescribe medication to help you. Never be ashamed to seek help and to get better. PTSD can make you feel weak but know that your not. After I gave birth to my daughter, I suffered from postpartum depression. I was too ashamed to talk about and seek help. I suffered in silence. As each day, week, month passed, I got worse. It effected every aspect of my life. I got so bad that even cleaning was extremely difficult. After a year and a half, my family sat me down and begged me to seek help. I remember crying and apologizing, telling them I tried so hard. Things got much better after a trip to the doctor and we found a med that worked for me. To think, I wasted all that time suffering just because I was afraid of what others would think.
Lets break the chains of silence about PTSD, PTSS and depression because no one should be ashamed or have to go through this alone.
*PTSS vs PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSS) is the name given to the symptoms that are experienced after a traumatic event. These symptoms can also be delayed and appear from up to 3 months after the event, to some forty years or more post-trauma (after the traumatic event). Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is (in essence) the same thing, except psychiatry prefers to differentiate between symptoms and the fully activated disorder.
For parents that had babies in the NICU, they don't just get better once their child is better. For years they may try to prevent their child from getting sick or hurt. When their child does get sick, or even ends up in the hospital, their symptoms once again act up and they even experience flashbacks from their time in the NICU. Here are some statistics for your:
1.5-6% of of mother's reported having PTSS following childbirth.
26-41% of mother's reported having PTSS after having a premature baby.
27% of parents are reported to have PTSD following PICU.
20% of parents who have a child who suffers from cancer is reported to suffer from PTSS.
44% of NICU mom's are reported to suffer from PTSD,
There's more of us out there than we know, but most are just afraid to come forward and seek the help they need or to talk about what they're going through. If you suffer fro PTSD, PSS, or depression you shouldn't be ashamed. It's not your fault. As I stated above, this is your brains way of trying to protect you. For lots of people, talking about it helps. If you don't feel you can talk to your family or your friends, then seek therapy. It always helps to have a sounding board to let all your fears out on. Someone who will reassure you that, if anything, your not going crazy. I know having since I started therapy after my son passed that it helped me. I'm learning more about what PTSD and depression is and how it affects every aspect of my life.
A therapist will also let you know if you need to seek out a doctor to prescribe medication to help you. Never be ashamed to seek help and to get better. PTSD can make you feel weak but know that your not. After I gave birth to my daughter, I suffered from postpartum depression. I was too ashamed to talk about and seek help. I suffered in silence. As each day, week, month passed, I got worse. It effected every aspect of my life. I got so bad that even cleaning was extremely difficult. After a year and a half, my family sat me down and begged me to seek help. I remember crying and apologizing, telling them I tried so hard. Things got much better after a trip to the doctor and we found a med that worked for me. To think, I wasted all that time suffering just because I was afraid of what others would think.
Lets break the chains of silence about PTSD, PTSS and depression because no one should be ashamed or have to go through this alone.
*PTSS vs PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSS) is the name given to the symptoms that are experienced after a traumatic event. These symptoms can also be delayed and appear from up to 3 months after the event, to some forty years or more post-trauma (after the traumatic event). Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is (in essence) the same thing, except psychiatry prefers to differentiate between symptoms and the fully activated disorder.
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