DIY School Supply Caddie

Every year we have the same problem during homework time.

She can't find a pencil.

She can't find color pencils.

She can't find whatever school supply she needs to complete her homework.

It's a pet peeve of mine.

She knows she's supposed to put the supplies back.

I've tried keeping extras in her backpack even.

It didn't work.

This year I want to start off on a different foot and start the year off super organized.

This way we're ready to go and aren't stressed form the get go.

That's why I decided to work on her homework station.

Starting with a school supply caddie.

I took to Pinterest for ideas because lets face it,

that's just what you do.

After looking through what others did I decided to jump in and make my own.

Only I'm using stuff I already have in my house instead of spending money that I just don't really have.

Being frugal is a gift that my husband loves in me and one I'm proud of.

Even when we have money I'm still frugal as all get out.

So here it is,

my DIY school supply caddie.

This took me like 5 minutes and only because I had to dig out the supplies.

It's so simple to make and it will make your lives so much more stress free!

I used a plastic basket I had that I purchased at the dollar store and a few plastic cups I had leftover from Lanie's birthday party.

All I did was set them inside and fill with supplies.

After I started putting things inside them I was able to add a 7th cup (not pictured),

and place some things in the gaps.

That's it!

You can buy plastic cups at the dollar store so for $2 you can make one.

Or use whatever you have around your house.

Be creative!

Stormy Weather

"The Coulds Around the Monster" by Alessandro Patronu

Grief is like the raging, angry waves of the ocean.

During the worst of storms the waves can reach 100 feet high during a tsunami.

When they reach land those waves can cause absolute destruction up to 1,700 feet up slope.

It destroys and it kills.

Grief is no different.

It grabs you and it pulls you under threatening to drown you.

Then it lets you up for air only to pull you under again.

The waves that reach the shore are the damage is does to those around you.

Grief changes everything.

Or really the loss that caused the grief changes everything.

You no longer are you in the eyes of others.

Those that you've known forever start to look at you differently.

Many pull away and one day stop talking to you all together.

The reason is always the same.

They say it's too hard for them to see you,

to watch you go through the loss and the grief.

It hurts them too much.

Every now and then there is a few trees that survive the storm.

A few friends willing to stick around.

Then there are the old scarred trees that you never noticed were there before.

Those are the new friends who've been through this storm before.

They offer strength and wisdom and comfort while the storm rages.

12-15-15 Me holding Liam for the last time shortly after he passed.

The rain came when Liam was born.

If you know me you  know I love rain.

The sound, the smell, even the dark clouds.

It rained off and on for nearly 4 1/2 years.

Then he passed away and the tsunami hit.

It grew and grew until I thought it would take us all out.

It's been a storm for the last 19 months.

The length of time since Liam's been gone.

There are no words to accurately describe the heart ache and pain of losing a child.

My child.

The pain is so intense I thought my heart would stop.

Grief causes your heart muscle to weaken.

It increases your chance of a heart attack.

It also causes your blood to become "stickier".

I was having anxiety attacks before Liam passed away that caused my heart to skip beats and to beat a few beats super fast and hard.

It was painful.

This started about 7 months before he passed away.

After he passed these episodes became frequent,

happening daily and sometimes multiple times a day.

I was waiting for my heart to stop.

I still don't know how it didn't.

19 months later and my heart still holds a constant ache.

Like a tree that's been through the tsunami and struck by lightening many times,

I'm damaged.

But like the old Sequoia trees in the National forest,

I'm still standing.

There is no timeline for healing.

No guide book to tell you what to do and how long it will take.

I hurt constantly but I am also healing.

One I'll wake up and realize that the healing is done and wonder when it happened.

The scars will always be there.

They'll always hurt but they'll make us stronger.

When you endure a severe injury your body will try to heal it any way it can.

The more severe the injury the more scar tissue it creates.

The scar tissue is meant to be stronger than the skin that was previously there.

It's your bodies way of trying to prevent the injury from happening again.

Personally my scars have never bothered me like they do some people.

The difference with these scars are that they are on my heart.

They are on my emotions and my soul.

You can never go back to the person you were before.

That person will never exist again.

That time to be that person is over.

The storm still rages for me.

The waters still drag me under until I have no air left in my lungs.

Then it lets me go before pulling me under again.

Even though the clouds are pitch black,

the sun still shines through every now and then.

For 18 months I didn't see the sun.

It didn't matter how brightly it shown,

I didn't see it.

I was too far under water to see.

Then one day things just changed.

The sun broke through and I laughed.

Not a fake laugh I've been using to hide behind,

but a real one.

That was just the beginning.

It started with my husband trying to get me active and off the couch because the doctors keep saying that's what I needed.

Then we went on a anniversary trip to the beach.

A few times the sun shone through the darkness and I laughed.

It wasn't enough to cause a break in  the storm though.

One day about a month ago he drug me up to the lake.

Said I needed to get out.

Mind you I find the lake very boring and it only aggravates my allergies so why would I want to go.

This day I gave in.

I don't know why because I never go.

About 2 hours into watching him fish and I couldn't take it anymore.

He could see it so he tried one last thing to keep us from leaving.

That's the day I tried kayaking for the first time.

Read all about it here...

That day things started changing.

The sun started shining through and I started feeling something I hadn't felt in a long  time...

Happiness.

Since then there have been moments.

Even some caught on camera and frozen forever.

How I've survived this long I can't begin to tell you.

I know I counted 1-10 a lot.

I focused on 10 seconds at a time.

Told myself that if I did good and tried another 10 seconds.

I still have days or moments when I survive 10 seconds at a time.

I put one foot in front of the other with no destination other than going through the motions to survive.

But then there are days or moments when my soul feel freer,

my heart feels lighter.

Me laughing at Chilli's after being made fun of for turning bright red after being sung Happy Birthday to by staff.

About a month after Liam passed I posted the following picture along with these words:

When Liam was born, I forgot who I was. Who I was and what I wanted didn't matter any more. All that mattered was what Liam needed to be healthy and happy. When Liam passed I lost part of myself again. Right now it feels like all of myself. My heart will never be whole again because part of it is in Heaven with Liam forever. But is not just a broken heart. It feels like a shattered soul. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to be better. I gave Liam my best. I keep moving forward because I don't know any other way. My entire life since the day I was born has been about surviving. I don't know how to not survive so I just keep moving. I keep moving yet in stuck. Like I'm on a treadmill. I just have to wait. And keep surviving.

Flash forward to now and I'm still confused.

I'm confused and I hurt but I haven't given up and have no plans too,

but maybe,

just maybe,

I will find my footing and my purpose again.

Trust in You

Hubby made a comment earlier.

He said that this last year has been the hardest year of his life.

He said "Trust in You" came on the radio the other day.

My brother in law,

nephew,

and husband,

all stopped working to listen to the lyrics.

They said even though they heard the song play in Liam's memorial video,

and on the radio a million times,

they never stopped to actually listen to it.

The song talks about how God is always with you.

How you ask God to give you miracles,

but it's not always how you wanted them,

or when you wanted them.

It's about always trusting in God,

no matter what hardships you face.

When I choose this song for Liam's memorial,

it felt right.

I was so broken and so lost.

Truth is that I still am broken.

I will always be broken.

I had two choices when Liam passed.

I  could be angry and deny God.

I could fight his every push.

I could turn away.

Or I could throw myself down at God's feet,

at His mercy,

and give him all of me.

I choose to throw myself at God's feet.

I choose to offer myself up to him.

I choose to follow God's path for me.

Why?

Because I wanted to trust His promise that my son was in heaven.

I needed to trust that my son was safe.

I needed to now that he was now forever loved and sheltered from pain,

thanks to God sending His son to die on the cross for us.

This past (almost) 10 months have been so painful.

I won't ever say that I don't miss my son to the point it's physically painful.

The very truth of the matter is that,

if it wasn't for God,

I wouldn't have made it through this last year.

That song got me through the toughest time in my life.

It reminded me that God was always there for us.

We haven't been thrown into a cruel world without protection.

We aren't navigating this world without a map.

He has seen everything.

He knows everyone's futures,

their paths.

"When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You"

Listen to the song and watch Liam's memorial video by clicking here

October 2014

Mummy Jar Craft

The Mummy Jar

What you'll need:

A jar

Gauze

Tape and or glue

Googly eyes

A battery operated tea light candle

I prefer to use clear tape because it makes this project a lot faster.

Tape the end of the gauze to the jar. Next wrap the gauze around the jar until it's covered.

You can glue or tape your eyes to the jar or gauze.

Turn on your light and place it inside.

How easy is that?!

Even though I clicked on the website to get the full tutorial,

it wasn't available. I did however find other Halloween mason jar project tutorial. 

Click here to see more projects from Crafthub.

Milk Jug Ghost Craft

This craft is practically free!

And oh so easy!

What you'll need:

Clean and empty milk jugs.

You can use any kind of jug as long as its frosty like a milk jug.

You can also use any size.

Black permanent marker.

Some kind of light like a string of clear Christmas lights or battery operated candles.

Scissors or a utility knife.

Start by drawing your face.

Hint: you can't really go wrong here so let your kiddos have fun.

Cut a small hole in the back of the jug, just big enough to insert your light.

I like the battery operated tea lights because there's no cord and the flicker.

Next just place there where you want and turn them on.

Enjoy your "spooky" scene as soon as the sun goes down.

Check out more crafts on Babble.

Pumpkin Spice Crunch Cake

It wouldn't be fall without pumpkins so I found this recipe on Pinterest from OhBiteMe. It looks divine and too good to pass on sharing.

This cake makes 2 9x13 size cakes which is perfect for sharing with your neighbors or church during the holidays.

What you'll need:

1-29oz. can of Pumpkin (unsweetened)

1 box of Spice Cake Mix

1-8oz. bag of Toffee Bits

1 container of Cream Cheese Frosting

2-9×13 baking pans

Preheat oven to 350

1) In a large mixing bowl, mix up cake batter as box reads.
2)Add toffee bits, saving 1/4 cup for topping.
3) Spray the baking pans with non stick spray.
4) Fill each cake pan 1/2 to 3/4 full.
5) Bake at 350 for 45 minutes or until done.
5) After cakes cool, frost and top with toffee.


Find more recipes and crafts on my Pinterest page. Click here to follow me. 

Random Questions

I found these random questions on Google, so here goes...

1) Who are you?

I always say my name is a big part of explaining who I am. I'm Aubin (unique right, even described as different.) I have a huge bleeding heart, which means I care more than I should about a lot of things. I am a mother, I am a wife, and I am a woman who shares her soul.

2)What are you passionate about?

This question use to be easier to answer before I lost my son. Since then I've changed a lot.

I feel passionate about spreading CDH awareness and sharing our story.

I feel passionate about helping people. I think helping people, helps heal  my soul.

I feel passionate about wanting to make a difference.

3) What are the achievements you are most proud of?

To be honest, I'm proudest of being a mom. My kids will always be the biggest accomplishment in  my life.

4) What are you most grateful for in life?

I'm a mom.

I am most grateful for my babies.

5) What are the most important things to you in life?

Family.

You need their support and their love.

6) How do you describe yourself?

Broken.

Weird.

Goofy.

Loyal to those who are loyal to me.

Crazy cat lady.

I don't really take myself too seriously.

7) What are your values? What do you represent?

I believe in God and feel it's important to have Him in our lives.

I believe in raising my kids in our church surrounded by our church family.

I feel blessed to be able to do so.

I believe that God put in my heart the need to help others,

so I continue to help in any way I can.

8) Do you love yourself?

I believe loving yourself is a really hard thing to do.

For years I didn't really even like myself and I didn't know why.

When I got older I realized that it wasn't be not loving myself,

it was me not comfortable in my own skin.

I believe there's a difference.

I may not always be comfortable in my own skin,

but I love myself and try to not be hard on myself.

9) Why or why not?

To not love myself would mean that I didn't love God's creation.

He made me the way I am and I should love myself for it.

10) Are you living the life of your dreams?

Honestly, no but sometimes your dreams and God's plans aren't the same.

11) If you had one year left, what would you do?

I'd make sure to spend as much time with those I love as I could.

I'd make sure they knew how much I love them.

I'd write to them daily in a journal for them to read after I passed.

12) If you had one months left to live, what would you do?

The same as if I had a year.

13) What are some of the biggest things you've learned in life so far.

Life isn't fair.

God's plans for us are bigger than our own.

At some point, your going to be broken but the choice is yours. Will you let it keep you down, or will you find a way to live with the brokenness and not let it win?

14) What advice would you give yourself 3 years ago?

I'd tell myself to enjoy every single moment.

From the pain to the happiness.

I'd tell myself to take more videos of my kids playing.

I'd tell myself to take more pictures.

I'd tell myself that I was going to hurt more than I've ever hurt in my life.

Maybe warning my past self that I would lose my son, would change the future.

15) Is there something you're still holding on to? Maybe it's time to let it go.

It's been 9 months since my son passed and I have a dresser full of his clothes.

A trunk full of his things and many many boxes.

I can't let them go just yet.

I'm not ready.

16) What are you busy with today?

I keep myself busy with work, cleaning, volunteering.

Really anything that will keep my mind of the hurt I feel from losing my son.

17) What opportunities are you looking for?

I'm always looking to help others and to spread CDH awareness.

18) What are your biggest goals and dreams?

I don't want my sons life to be in vein so I want to turn our tragedy over losing him into something positive. I'm looking into going back to school to become a nurse so I can help others born with CDH and other birth defects.

19) What's stopping you from achieving them?

Time, money.

20) What would you do if you had all the time and money in the world with no limitations?

If I had no limitations in money, I would be able to stop working and spend my time organizing donations to Children's hospital for the sick kids for holidays. I'd donate to CDH research and other worthy research studies. I'd do whatever I could to give back.

21) What's you biggest regret and why?

My mind always goes back to my son Liam. If nothing I could have done would have prevented his death then I would have let him experience life more. I would have taken him to the zoo and amusement parks. I would have taken him to Colorado to visit my family. I would have made every day even better.

22) What do you fear most in life?

If already faced my biggest fear and live it everyday.

Loosing a child.

23) What is your purpose in life?

I thought my purpose was to be Liam's mom. To take care of him.

I don't know anymore what my purpose is.

24) What are your hobbies?

Right now it's anything to keep me busy and my mind off the pain.

Reading, playing games, cleaning.

25) If you could sit on a bench for an hour and talk to anyone (past/present) who would it be?

I'd sit there and hold my son again.

I'd ask him what heaven was like and I's tell him how much I love and miss him.

Thanks for playing along!

Biggest Parenting Failure

          Let's face it, being a parent is not easy. It's a labor of love, with thank you's few and far between. So why do we do it? Because we love our kids of course! All those diapers we changed, all those sleepless nights, it's worth it. So what's your biggest parenting fail? Sometimes it's hard no name just one because, lets face it, we tend to "screw up". 

          I'd have to say, my biggest failure was back in 2010, when I took my eyes off my daughter for just a few moments. She was only 2 1/2 years old at the time. Boy, I should have known better. Lets just say, I learnt my lesson that was hard to forget. My daughter took full advantage of those few minutes left unattended to rummage through my makeup. She grabbed what she wanted and made a run for it, back to her room. 

          Here I was, thinking she had gone to the bathroom all by herself like a big girl. Nope! After about two minutes back in her room, I heard her crying. Of course, I took off running to check on her. Boy did I get the shock of a lifetime! She had gotten my mascara, spread it all over the walls, door, floor and herself. She was crying because she had tried to put on the mascara and poked her eye. 

          Let me tell you, mascara is really hard to get out of carpet and clothes. Not to mention a squirming 2 year old. I never did get it completely out of the carpet. Lesson learned though. Don't let your kids out of your sight for 2 minutes and keep your mascara out of reach!! Better yet, keep it under lock and key lol.