Giving Up Is NOT An Option

I want nothing more than to eat away my aggravation an frustration right now. I'm even ashame to admit that I have given in because the emotions are just too overwhelming. I wish I could say feeding thereapy went well but the fact is it didn't. Liam started drinking te beginning of May, then the next day he was admitted to Childrens because he it sick. And he refused to drink after that and still does. After he eats he sounds junky and its everytime he eats, but worse with some foods than others. They start feeding him at thereapy and a few bites into it he sounds horribly congested. They notice it too so I tell them it happens everytime he eats. We start talking about it and they think he's "silently" refluxing. At first one of the OTs throws out stop feeding him and even she hated the idea. I told her it wasn't an option and that's the reason were having such a hard time getting him to eat and drink because pulmonologys idea to "fix" this issue when Liam was 6 months olds was to stop feeding him. She said to keep a log of when he does this, how often and which foods are the worst. Of course I was able to answer all those questions for her on the spot. She suggested another swollow study since on his last one over a year ago he refused to eat anything so the only results we got were that he has excellent control. So now when I go to the pediatrician Thursday and the pulmonologist Friday I need to talk to both of them about it. OT also thinks his only working diaphragm is weak and Tireing out easily making these issues worse and why he doesn't want to drink. They suggested a few diaphragm strengthening "excersizes" involving party kazoos and bubbles in hopes they will help. They also want me to use the tick-it stuff. They tried it in tomato juice to a honey consistancy and he ate it. They also think that he's avoiding the honey bear and straws because he's not only been intubated many many times but has been suctioned even more. So now its getting the other doctors and specialist to co-operate and order the test. It's so frustrating. The only appointments I could count on getting only good news was Brightstart and Feeding thereapy. And now I can't even count on Feeding thereapy to be stress free.