Liam Michael Bryant
It was a bit difficult naming Liam. When I was pregnant with my daughter, we agreed on the name Landon if we were having a boy. I just figured we were to use that name but for my husband,nit didn't seem to fit. The whole family had a say when it came to his name. At least we welcomed their opinion. We weren't naming him Andy, like his grandpa and uncle. After all, we had given Lanie that namesake. One day, as we watched a movie, Justin suggested we call him Liam. I rubbed my belly and said the name a few times. A smile crept over my face and I agreed. Liam it would be. It was perfect.
It's kind of funny when we explain our kids names to people. Both names came from movies, or actors. Lanie was from 'She's all that'. Liam was inspired by Liam Nesson. A few years ago during one of Liam's UCSF stays, I busted out laughing at how appropriate the name was. His first name being Liam and he had underwent a procedure called a Nisson Fundiplication to fix his Hiatal hernia. For days I'd laugh at this. Nurses laughed at this. I still kind of giggle over it.
Then there's Liam's middle name, Michael. We wanted his middle name to mean something. To be honest I fought for Bevin, so he'd be named after my dad. I knew it was a long shot suggesting it, but I tried. Liam Michael was just too perfect for him. Michael is a family name. He was named partly after Justin's uncle who passed away and partly because I had remembered I had a Michael on my side as well.
From the time Liam was a tiny 2 pound 4 ounce baby in NICU, until the day he passed, I would rock him and sing "Liam Michael. Liam Michael. Liam Michael" over and over again. It started out as me not knowing what to say to this tiny baby fighting for his life but him needing to be talked to so he would recognize my voice. Also because talking to babies who are in the NICU, helps them thrive. Late nights, sleep exhausted but trying to soothe a crying baby, I would rock him and sing his name over and over. It worked like a charm. This was the go to lullaby. I remember rocking him that last night, trying to soothe him. I sang his name over and over again. I told him I wasn't going anywhere. I told him I loved him. I find that that lullaby goes through my head so often, like it's trying to soothe me.
I hear his name, Liam Michael, and there's so much power in those words. They can make me smile, or bring me to my knees. I miss my son so much. I miss his laugh and tripping on his cars and trains. We were just talking about how sometimes we still feel the tug at the back of our shirts, like he used to do. And how sometimes we can even hear his laugh. I had never told anyone that before. Then at the memorial service at Children's hospital last Friday, our good friend Manny brought it up. He said one day he laughed and said "where are you?" And he swore he heard Liam's laugh. My jaw had dropped. My niece then said its happened to her before. In tears I proclaimed the same, saying I didn't want to say anything because I was afraid everyone would think I was crazy.
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