That's when I remember what the nurses in NICU always told me:
You are never helpless. Your doing exactly what your baby needs you to do by just being here, sitting by their side and holding their hand. That's not nothing. That's huge. Giving them comfort and love while they fight makes a difference in how they fight. Your doing the right thing.
Thank you to all those nurses at UCSFs NICU who drilled this into my head because years down the road when I most needed it, there it was to comfort me.
I will always say that this journey is never easy. It's road it full of potholes and detours. Some days you'll feel like there's nothing you can do but remember that just by being there, you're helping. No one can comfort your babies like you do.
Us moms are always the hardest on ourselves. We feel like we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and never ask for help. But one day that weight will crush you so find that one person you can be real with. That one person that will let you vent and will straight up tell you what they think or feel without any sugar coating. We need that. It makes the journey much harder without someone by your side.
I've felt alone in this for all too long. I still do. But truth is I was too afraid to ask for help from those around me because I thought everyone around me expected me to handle it on my own. Truth was they just didn't know what I needed from them so they did nothing. Because of this I hold an unwarranted grudge against many including my husband and I'm having a hard time letting go of that anger.
As I sit here and listen to my little lamb cough in his sleep, I thank God that we are home. And I thank God for reminding me that I'm not helpless and that I'm ding exactly what Liam needs me to do. Just be here.
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