Blowing Dandelions

                                  

(Liam September 21st, 2015)

Dear Sweet Liam,

My little angel,

I don't understand this life without you.

Your pictures,

Your things,

And this hurt,

Are the only reason I know you really existed.

I go through each day like a zombie,

Never really living,

Just existing.

I'm trying to see the light in this storm.

It should me simple.

It is simple. 

You were hurting,

And now your not.

You lived a life of pain,

And now your suffering has ended.

I wanted so badly to believe that you were ok.

Every night I prayed for your health.

Lord please make each day better than the last.

Each day was better,

Even through the set backs.

It was better until it wasn't.

I know your suffering has ended.

I know your healthy and happy in heaven.

I wish I could see it.

I wish you were happy and healthy here.

Everyday I wake up and pray.

Lord please let me make it through today.

Throughout the day I pray.

Lord please let him be ok.

Lord please tell him I love him.

Lord please hug him for me.

A mother should never have to say these prayers.

I mother should never have to lose a child.

But here I am,

Where you are not.

Lost and broken inside.

Part of an exclusive club of heartbreak,

That should never exist.

If I could hold you,

I would.

If I could kiss you,

I would.

If I could whisper in your ear that I love you,

I would.

Instead I tell the butterflies.

I tell the sun each morning.

I blow dandelions and wish for you.

I love you sweet boy.

Until I get there,

Please hold that piece of my heart close.

(Image found on Google that I edited using PicsArt)

My Wish For You

Dear Lanie,

Sweet smart, beautiful Lanie. Most parents have plans for their kids from the day they are born. I have to admit, I was one of those parents. I wanted you to do great in school, go to college, do something important with your life and be successful. I wanted you to get married to a great guy and one day, give me grandkids. (Yikes that's a scary thought lol) But I've learned a lot since your brother came along and then on to heaven.

My sweet girl, I wish you a life of health. Before Liam, I never dreamed of having anything but healthy children. I wish you to always be healthy, and for any future children you might have, to be healthy. Health is so important, its one of many keys to happiness. Liam did teach us that you can be happy without it, but it's easier with it. I don't want your life to be hard.

I wish you happiness. You've had more than enough sadness in your life for a lifetime. You deserve to be happy in life. Choose a career that makes you happy. In all choices, do what makes you happy. Even though I cannot protect you from sadness and hurt your entire life, know that each experience you have a choice. You can let it destroy you or you can take a page out of my book and let it make you stronger. I hope you become a strong woman when you grow, like your a strong girl now.

I hope you never loose your spunk or your creativeness. You make us laugh with your random jokes. You have a spirit that just want to enjoy life and I hope you never loose that. I hope you continue to be creative. I hope you pass on that creativeness to your future kids. It's part of what makes you, you.

Overall, Lanie, I hope you continue to grow into the strong, beautiful, spunky and creative young lady I see you as, as you are now. You have a huge heart and I hope that your harness that and never let your sparkle fade. I love you so much and I never want you to forget that.

3> mom

Biggest Parenting Failure

          Let's face it, being a parent is not easy. It's a labor of love, with thank you's few and far between. So why do we do it? Because we love our kids of course! All those diapers we changed, all those sleepless nights, it's worth it. So what's your biggest parenting fail? Sometimes it's hard no name just one because, lets face it, we tend to "screw up". 

          I'd have to say, my biggest failure was back in 2010, when I took my eyes off my daughter for just a few moments. She was only 2 1/2 years old at the time. Boy, I should have known better. Lets just say, I learnt my lesson that was hard to forget. My daughter took full advantage of those few minutes left unattended to rummage through my makeup. She grabbed what she wanted and made a run for it, back to her room. 

          Here I was, thinking she had gone to the bathroom all by herself like a big girl. Nope! After about two minutes back in her room, I heard her crying. Of course, I took off running to check on her. Boy did I get the shock of a lifetime! She had gotten my mascara, spread it all over the walls, door, floor and herself. She was crying because she had tried to put on the mascara and poked her eye. 

          Let me tell you, mascara is really hard to get out of carpet and clothes. Not to mention a squirming 2 year old. I never did get it completely out of the carpet. Lesson learned though. Don't let your kids out of your sight for 2 minutes and keep your mascara out of reach!! Better yet, keep it under lock and key lol.