Super Powers

If I could have any super power, I'd choose the ability to time travel so I can go back and hold my son again. I know I can't change things but I'd like to hold him again. I want to hear his laughter and watch him sleep. I want to smell him and feel him and read to him. I want to rock him to sleep as I sing our night night song. I want to tickle him until he can't laugh anymore and begs me to stop.

I want to lay on the kitchen floor with him and race hotwheels down our slopped floor. I would go back in time so we could set up more intricate train tracks. I'd go back to the day he learned how to jump in his squeaky shoes and watch his smile spread from ear to ear. I'd go back to the day he took off walking for the first time in  the doctors office just a month before his second birthday.

If I could time travel, I'd go back to the day I first got to hold Liam. Knowing I couldn't change the ending of his story, I'd go back and make things even better. I'd throw caution to the wind and take him for ice cream more often or I would take him to the zoo and Disneyland.

There's so much we didn't get to do because there was always the worry of what could happen. We let the what if's get in the way of living. So many nights I cried myself to sleep because he couldn't sleep in bed with us since he was on a feeding pump and it was "too much of a hassle" to move the pump to our bed.

If I could give one bit of advice to anyone with a medically fragile child, or just a child in general, it's to take that extra step. Don't let that pump or oxygen machine get in the way of your desire to cuddle your kids. It won't harm them to let them sleep with you every now and then.

 Don't let the what if's get in the way of you living your life. Of course don't let all your guards down, but take that extra effort to make special memories. Forget that load of laundry that needs to be folded and race those hotwheels or have that tea party. Let them have real tea in real porcelain tea cups with real food. Buy them from the thrift store so it won't matter if they accidentally get broken.

Who cares if it's messy, drag out the paints or the play dough and leave those dishes for later. Go dance in the rain on a summer day or run through the sprinklers with your kids. Just live each day to the fullest and make happy memories. Your kids won't remember the pile of clothes that needed to be folded or the dishes in the sink but they'll remember the tea parties and car races and dancing in the rain.

Let them drink soup from a straw because it doesn't matter how they eat, as long as they eat.

Let them spend the day playing super heros, running around the yard catching bad guys and saving the world.

Let them be pirates in search of burried treasure.

Read them that extra book at bedtime just because you want to hold them longer. Each day is a precious gift and we never know what tomorrow holds so live today like there's no tomorrow.