Packing up

The past few days I have been working in Liam's part of the bedroom to organize his things. Deciding what will go where. It's very daunting and emotionally difficult. 

I have several extra large boxes of donations for children's hospital that I've been collecting for the last month. I have a extra large box of Liam's clothes I'm not sure what to do with. Boxes of blankets and toys galore. I'm on overload. 

I decided to make snap decisions with mostly everything because I'm so overwhelmed. 

Today I saw his bed for the last time, set up and waiting for him. 

I was "ok",

Until a few hours later I walked into the bedroom for something and saw the empty space for the first time. 

I wanted to cry. 

All I could do was close my eyes, take a deep breath and sit down. 

Rendered useless and unable to function once again. 

With it went the bedding. 

Knowing the bed was going to a little boy who needed a bed of his own,

To a little boy that would love it and appreciate it,

I just knew that the bedding needed to go with it. 

Something to brighten his day,

Hopefully the way it did Liam's.

With the bed went Liam's scooter,

Large batman,

2 Thomas DVDs,

And a folding Thomas train track with a train. 

The act of handing these over for a kid in need wasant hard. 

The after math of seeing them gone was heart wrenching. 

More evidence that my sweet little lamb is gone and never coming back 

Two weeks ago I boxed up all his soaps and toys in the bathroom. 

They didn't go anywhere but the laundry room for now. 

I thought it was so hard at the time to do that. 

But I was wrong 

The big hitter was the bed. 

That's the tale tale sign.

I'll be I his room for so long,

Then it feels as if I hit a brick wall.

I spin around to realize it's a brick cage and I'm stuck I the middle. 

Cleaning out Liam's room makes me feel physically sick. 

I don't know how I'm going to finish this daunting task. 

It's a nightmare I can't escape. 

His favorite toys are just there,

Lonely,

Collecting dust now. 

Alone without a little boy to love them.

This is what all the toys in toy story were afraid of.

Being boxed up and forgotten.