I wish you were here, if you were here

Dear Liam,

I wish you were here with us. 

I wish you were running around the house laughing.

Getting into the cupcakes. 

Covered in chocolate. 

I wish you were here "helping" us get ready for the CDH awareness picnic tomorrow.

I wish I could hold you,

Kiss you,

Tell you how much I love you.

I wish you were here so I would hurt so much.

Cry so much.

Miss you so much. 

It's selfish I know. 

I'm sorry for that. 

I wish I could be stronger for you. 

Stronger for your sister. 

But I'm overflowing with so much emotion that I can't keep it in. 

It just keeps spilling out of me. 

That's how much I love you. 

More than my heart could possibly hold in. 

If you were here right now I'd be kissing your little face.

Tickling you and telling you that I love you. 

If you were here right now we'd be outside playing with glow sticks. 

You'd probably be muddy and I'd probably pretend to be upset. 

We all know I wouldn't be but it made you laugh to think I was.

If you were here right now I'd let you stay up way past your bedtime.

I'd hold you in my arms,

Sing to you,

And rock you until you fell asleep. 

I'd whisper in your ear how much I love you. 

If I could rewind and erase the past 14 weeks and change events I would. 

But only if that meant a healthy happy Liam. 

That's all I ever wanted for you.

To be healthy and happy. 

I knew everything else would come in time. 

Truth is we didn't know what the future ever held for you. 

Nothing is ever guaranteed in life,

Especially your life. 

I know your in Heaven. 

I know your healthy and happy. 

But I can't stop worrying about you. 

That's what I do. 

What I've always done. 

I'm stuck little boy. 

Sitting here stuck in the phantom memories of you being you. 

What you would be doing while we watched tv. 

How you couldn't sit still and always had your cars and trains. 

If you were here...

But your not. 

I still love you sweet boy. 

I will never stop loving you.