since last wensday. He woke up coughing and a snotty nose. Yesterday I had to go buy him a Vicks vaporizer and the steam liquid meds for it. Thankfully he didnt cough all night llong like he’s been doing. He did talk in his sleep all night long. He even laughed a few times. It was pretty weird and kept me up all night again. Tomarrow he sees his Ped. He will get weighed and get the first of his centiges to protect against RSV. Its been exhausting and has put me in a weird rollercoaster of moods. I tried to take a nap earlier and got woke up by a nightmere. The same one Ive had since Liam was born, of his traggic birth. My biggest nightmere while pregnant with Liam was that he would be breathing when he was born and that he’d be taken away from us in the delivery room. My biggest nightmere came true the night he was born. It became my personal hell. Now Im reliving it in my dreams over and over again. Its something thats been going on spiratically through out the last 16 months. It seems to happen when I get stressed, or during Liam’s hospital admittances, or right after discharge or impending surgeries. I think maybe this time its due to lack of sleep, stress that Liams sick and at this point he could very well get worse and end back up in the hospital for the holidays, and because we’re facing surgery every 2 to 3 months to replace his feeding tube and having to get a mediport put in before all that. Hoping I can face the nightmeres head on to end them. Its due to having PTSD and survivors guilt. Logically I know that I shouldnt feel the way I do at times but Theres a part of my brain that just doesnt give a crap if its logical or not. This is our life, these are everyday struggles.
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