Blowing Dandelions

                                  

(Liam September 21st, 2015)

Dear Sweet Liam,

My little angel,

I don't understand this life without you.

Your pictures,

Your things,

And this hurt,

Are the only reason I know you really existed.

I go through each day like a zombie,

Never really living,

Just existing.

I'm trying to see the light in this storm.

It should me simple.

It is simple. 

You were hurting,

And now your not.

You lived a life of pain,

And now your suffering has ended.

I wanted so badly to believe that you were ok.

Every night I prayed for your health.

Lord please make each day better than the last.

Each day was better,

Even through the set backs.

It was better until it wasn't.

I know your suffering has ended.

I know your healthy and happy in heaven.

I wish I could see it.

I wish you were happy and healthy here.

Everyday I wake up and pray.

Lord please let me make it through today.

Throughout the day I pray.

Lord please let him be ok.

Lord please tell him I love him.

Lord please hug him for me.

A mother should never have to say these prayers.

I mother should never have to lose a child.

But here I am,

Where you are not.

Lost and broken inside.

Part of an exclusive club of heartbreak,

That should never exist.

If I could hold you,

I would.

If I could kiss you,

I would.

If I could whisper in your ear that I love you,

I would.

Instead I tell the butterflies.

I tell the sun each morning.

I blow dandelions and wish for you.

I love you sweet boy.

Until I get there,

Please hold that piece of my heart close.

(Image found on Google that I edited using PicsArt)

Inspirational True Story

Post from April 11, 2011 from an old blog I no longer use.

Today (April 11, 2011)  I talked with an older man. He was unbelievable nice and open. He told me how just about a year ago he was diagnosed with lung cancer and given only 3 months to live. This man was a truck driver who went in for his mandatory physical and that was how he found out. He was sent to a specialist in the area and they found several large spots on his lungs. The doctor decided that they needed to try something that was newly developed and only been testing for 6 months. It's kind of like chemo but genetic. He explained to me that it's a new kind of chemo that actually goes straight to the cancer to kill it off. Unlike the chemo we're all used to that they shoot into your body and pray it lands in the correct area to kill off the cancer. Just a few weeks ago, after only 2 sessions of this new genetic-chemo, this man went back to his specialist for his check-up and found that the spots were dead. When he went back a second time the doctor walked into the office grabbed the mans hand and shook it. The doctor continued to shake his hand as he congratulated the man letting him know that not only was the cancer spots dead but they have disappeared. He was declared cancer free. It's amazing the breakthroughs that are happening. Just a month ago I was depressed because here my husband just lost his aunt to cancer, then my aunt had to be tested for cancer and then we found out my husbands buddies son was diagnosed with cancer. I was angry and mad that we haven't found a way to fight the cancer more effectively or found a cure. It seems everyday we're getting closer. This man agreed to receive experimental treatment and because his bravery he is now cancer free. It's amazing. I felt his story should be told, that we should all take it in and know that even when life seems to be dark and glum that there is light. There is good and there is hope. When a doctor looks at you and says "you have cancer" and only have so long to live means you should fight harder. Don't give up. Doctors don't know everything. They can estimate but its never a sure thing. Miracles happen everyday. Sometimes you just have to take a chance. Follow your heart.