Showing posts with label keep going. Show all posts
Showing posts with label keep going. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Beauty In The Past

          I was on Facebook just looking at post as normal when I saw a beautiful post by the page Neonatal Intensive Care Awareness Month about Kangaroo Care. They posted a picture of a mom holding her baby with as much skin to skin contact she could without being completely topless. In the comments a few other moms whose babies where in NICU commented with pictures of their babies when in NICU using the same Kangaroo Care technique of skin to skin contact. One of the pictures was a baby born at only 24 weeks. The baby was so tiny it (the gender wasn't posted) fit in the plam of her hand. The baby had to of weighed less than a pound.
          I found this picture (as well as the others) to be very endearing. To me it spoke of courage and strength for both the baby and it's mother. I showed my husband and he had a complete different reaction. He asked me why I keep reading depressing stuff like that article. I explained how I didn't see this as depressing. Yes at one point I would have but I've long ago lost my anger for our NICU experience. I explained how I felt this picture was beautiful and that it told the story of survival and the will to fight. It told the story of a miracle that a baby so tiny could survive being born at only 24 weeks.
          He said again that it was depressing and that I needed to stop looking and reading things like that. He felt that it was only a reminder of what our son went through and how he's not "normal". My jaw hit the floor. I don't need a reminder from other peoples pictures and stories that my son isn't "normal", how could I forget? But what I see when I look at him is the miracle that he is. Every breath he takes is a miracle for the baby that wasn't expected to live. Every smile and every laugh is a reminder. After years of struggling with this, I've finally reached a point where I can see the beauty in the struggle. I can see past the tubes and wires. I can see the blessings in the midst of the struggle. And that I feel is the key to moving on.
          Just because you move on doesn't mean you can't visit the past. It doesn't mean you have to forget what you've been through. Every trial we face molds us as are we are today. It just means you can look at it differently than you did back then.

There beauty in the fight. He may be laying here sedated but he's fighting for every second. The fact that he has the will and strength to fight is just plain beautiful.+

One of the first times Liam was allowed to be fully alert and awake. Staring into his eyes and having this moment meant the world to me. It was beautiful.

Big sister Lanie meeting her little brother for first time. This picture speaks volumes. It tells a story of a girl who has been waiting a long time to meet her baby brother and to love him. It a story of acceptance and un-ending love.

This picture tells a story of a mother who waited what felt like eternity to hold her child. She sat by his side day in and day out, supporting him just for a chance at this moment right here. The way she looks at her son with such love and devotion. The way her hand it placed tells how gentle shes being so not to hurt him as well as how much she can't believe this moment has finally arrived.

These pictures tell a story of strength and survival, of never ending love and devotion.

Now tell me these pictures aren't beautiful.

I love my son for who is and what he went through only helped him develop into the gentle, caring, life loving kid he is today. Our story is beautiful. Plain and simple.









Sunday, May 4, 2014

Time to get healthy

Everyone has a point they reach where they just can't stand how they look anymore. They're uncomfortable in their clothes or just hate the way they look in today's style. 

Well point reached! Of course I've been here for some time BUT I'm finally being more proactive about it. I finally got the chance to go buy myself clothes (just an outfit) but as I tried clothes on I just couldn't stand how they for or were disappointed that they didn't fit. I realized my size had changed and freaked out. I'm not about to share with you right now my size. I'm sorely disappointed in myself.

We got 45 day passes to the gym and I decided to take advantage of it. Of course the first 10 days I didn't go at all just not being able to find the energy. Friday we took the kids to the gyms pool and from there it's been On. Last night we dropped the kids off with their grandparents and went to work out. According to the treadmill I burnt 300 cals last night. And last night I was playing with the machine and found it inclines. 

This morning I woke up and left the house at 6:45am to go to the gym. I set the machine for an incline workout that was up and down and a lot like SF. I figured I had lost a lot of weight in SF and it helped my waist and legs slim down. I ended up doing this for 45min until hip pain set in. My left hip has been hurting for about a week now so it's not a surprise that it would eventually hurt me for working out. Pain set in halfway through the workout but wasn't bad enough to stop. 

Any how. I plan to stick with it and see how much I can loose before my 31st birthday in July. 

After last nights work out hubby took me to buy some workout clothes because I had one outfit. He's so sweet. Of course I had to promise to stick with it. 

And some selfies from before, during and after the gym. Maybe one day I'll get one of me actually working out lol. 
Before last night trip to the gym:
During last nights trip to the gym:
I felt weird taking a selfie while on a treadmill with people watching. 

After this mornings gym trip. Right after getting in the car. 

At home on a heating pad for my hip:


#gethealthy #inshape #keepgoing #workpastthepain #weightlossjourney #doingitforme #becauseican #tofeelbetter