Seven

My sweet, silly little boy. To say I miss you would be an understatement. Today you would have turned 7 years old. I'm sure we would have planned a grand party for you. Ninja Turtles, pirates, sharks, who knows what you would have wanted. I bet your speech would have greatly improved. I bet your feeding tube would have been out this year. I'm sure you'd still be making silly faces at me, wanting cuddles and begging for yet another hot wheels.

This will be the third birthday of yours we've celebrated without you. It's harsh. Every year we try to figure out what we'll do to remember and honor you. Every year we are both angry and sad your not here. You'd be going into the 2nd grade if you were here. How crazy is that? We've done so many new things since you've been gone and with each one we thought of you. We'd talk about how much you'd like whatever we were doing and how fun it would be to have you with us. I'd give up all the new experiences just to race hot wheels with you again.

 Until the day come when we can see you again, hold you again, we are trying to make each day here count. Trying to give your sister great memories. Trying to change the world just a little bit before it's our time. We love you so much little lamb. <3 p="">

To learn more about Liam's story click here 

To watch Liam's memorial video click here

To check out our CDH awareness page, click the Shooting for Liam tab at the top.

To check out our child loss awareness and nonprofit page click the Sent from Heaven tab at the top.

Turning the BIG 10

It's hard to believe that in about 2 weeks I will have a 10 year old! It's the BIG 10!! When I turned 10, it was a BIG deal. The one thing I remember and cherish is that when I turned 10 years old, my Nana gave me my first watch. Not some cheap little plastic thing covered in cartoon characters. It was not digital because at 10 years old you should be able to tell time with an analog watch. I meant so much to me that I, to this day, still have the watch. This was something that I wanted to pass down to my children and make tradition by buying them watches when they turned 10. My daughter may find it strange when she opens it but it will mean something when she grows up and had kids of her own.

So here I am in shock that I'm about to have a 10 year old daughter. Not only is she turning 10 but her cousin is turning 10 a few days later. So this year we are doing something completely different and throwing the cousins a joint birthday party. The Super 10! Yesterday I took both Lanie and her cousin and took their pictures to commemorate the event because you only turn 10 once!

Lanie's 9 Years Old

A lot has been going on in our Wonderland.

Or nothing at all, I'm not sure which.

We celebrated Lanie's 9th birthday back in February.

She got a surprise party and a bedroom makeover.

We're still working on finishing her room. It's been a lot of work.

She finally got a loft bed.

It was a long time coming because of her super micro small bedroom.

She got new bedding as well.

She's been in love with mermaids for years and years so when Target came out with a mermaid theme, we had to grab it up.

She has no closet in her room so organization is an issue.

I bought her a cube shelf system in hopes of organizing her things and making it pretty at the same time.

Her birthday was 5 months ago and she still has a few things left she hasn't opened.

That's coming in handy though since it's summer break and everything is keeping her busy now.

She's growing up so fast.

We wear the same size flip flops now.

Her favorite color is turquoise.

She weighs 68 pounds and is only a few inches shorter than me.

I'm 4'10" and shes about 6 inches shorter.

She loves her Our Generation dolls (Target's version of American Girl).

She finally found the second twin after getting the first (right) for Christmas.

We're working on making a house with rooms for her 7 dolls but space is so limited in her room.

She made friends with the neighbors cat Squeekers.

Unfortunately they just moved away this last weekend.

Lanie was sad because she use to go outside just to play with him.

She's getting stronger in swimming.

We've taken up kayaking so shes learning to paddle.

I can't believe how much shes grown. 

4

Yesterday we celebrated Liam's 4th birthday. The night before I rocked him before bedtime, hugging him close and told him how proud I was of him for surviving all he's been through and staying strong. 

I told him how his strength has taught me to be strong. How this journey has made my love for him stronger and my appreciated for waking up each morning greater. 

Then I cried a few tears. And for once, on the eve of his birthday, they were tears of joy. I cried tears of joy because we survived. Because this past year was so amazingly free, having had a total of zero hospitalizations and only two out patient surgeries.

We got a taste of what life should really be like without our little lamb and I know that this is only the start. So my tears were also for our future happiness and freedom and simply having faith that there would be happiness in the future. 

Yesterday I sang Liam happy birthday at 5 am when he woke up from a bad dream. He fell back to sleep with a smile on his face. We went and bought cake. One for his birthday party and one for the 4 of us after dinner.

Liam got the Mario party he'd been asking for. Both cakes in the Mario theme. I took him to Adventure Park where he played arcade games to his hearts desire, ate pizza, drank soda, ate cupcakes, and won prizes. 

He had a blast, exactly what he deserved. After dinner of his choice (more pizza), he opened presents. We bought him a Mario backpack and lunch pail for school. He got a Mario and a Luigu action figure. A Mario cup, Mario movie. Liam was excited. 

Sister gave him a goody gift bag filled with a Thomas movie, Thomas book, and several little toys. We also put together a minion gift bag with a reusable minion bag, two minions that light up and three pairs of minion socks. And just like a normal boy he held the socks up, made a eww noise then tossed the socks aside. We laughed. 

I may not have pulled off the big extravagant party I really wanted to throw him, but I learnt that he had everything he wanted and more with just a few friends and cake. It was perfect. 

Birthday Park Playday

Lanie had a blast for her 6th birthday.

Saturday the 8th she got to visit with Aunt Rose, Uncle Cliff,

Stephanie and Tyler.

They took her to Mc Donald and the park.

Litte Miss Birthday Girl

Liam loving the swings

She said she was too high and didn't like looking down

but put on a brave face for the camera.

Liam had a blast climbing the jungle gym all by himself.

The look of pure joy

Trying to see who can swing higher

Oh and the most amazing of all!!!

Once a Daddies girl,

Always a Daddie's girl.

Right before I snapped both these pictures Lanie begged

"Daddy swing me please, daddy swing me"

I love it!

Liam's 2nd Birthday pt 1

For Liam's birthday, we kept it on the simple side and had lunch at a resteraunt. We invited friends and family to join us. Liam had a blast seeing everyone. These are the pictures from mobile devices.

The night before, Liam got to go to Build A Bear and he ended up with SuperMonkey

Big Sister Lanie all ready for the party

Mommy ready for the party.

Liam says "YAY"

He had a blast

Super Team 

CAKE TIME!!!

Liam's first year eating his birthday cake :)

He's come so far.

Getting ready for bed.

Birthday Jealousy Extinguished

With Liam's impending birthday Lanie's been a bit jealous. She's tried to pick out gifts for him that weren't really appropriate for him but great for her. While shopping yesterday I saw they had the school supplies out for cheap so I picked some up since she's starting kindergarten. Whatever I grabbed wasn't enough for her. She wanted more. We shopped through the clothes and she was upset that I could only get I pair of playground shorts for under short shorts or dresses, 1 pair of jean shorts and 1 shirt. She wanted more. I understand though. Brothers birthday means he gets presents. When we picked out a present for brother she wanted one too and was upset when I said no. Then all day yesterday she kept saying how today was her LaLaLoopsie Mermaid 's birthday. She planned out Mulala's birthday. Colored her pretty pictures for her birthday present and everything. She kept telling me today "mom Mulala's birthday party is starting come on" but I didn't have time to play. When Liam went down for a nap I decided it was time to do something for her to help with her birthday jealousy. I made Mulala a beautiful beaded necklace and of course I made one for Lanie too. Then I wrapped it. I took a York peppermint patty, stuck a candle in it and light it. When I called Lanie and Mulala to te counter, Lanies eyes light up like fireworks. She sank Mulala a special birthday song and blew out the candle. After eating the "cake" I sat them on the couch for presents. Lanie an Mulala love their presents. Now I have a happy girl and doll on my hands lol 

Miracles

A year ago today I was sitting in NICU when our primary Sue got the call that that the surgical staff was on their way up. It was time, liam was getting repair surgery that would safe his life and put him on the road to recouvery. I was all alone, Justin was on the road on his way to us. We had all hoped hed make it before surgery. Unfortunately he didnt so I spent a very long 45min in the parents kitchen waiting before the surgeon came in. Justin didnt make it untill 3 hours later. Liams repair surgery being done on my birthday was the best gift I have ever or wilk ever recieve. Now a year later I am reliving the anxiety, the pain and the elation. A year ago today we were blessed to meet little Lulani and her parents. Happy Birthday miss Lulu. We pray you have a special day. Sent from Yahoo! Mail on Android

We made it

WE MADE IT!

We made it through NICU,

We made it through Liam's first year,

We made it through the emotional first birthday party.

The Birthday Boy! 

Cousin Caleb

David and Kim

Liam enjoying his gift from Uncle and Tia

Uncle Cliff's first time holding Liam

"He's gotten so big"

First time meeting cousin Christina

First time meeting cousin Shannon

Loves his Tia

Cousins Stephanie and Chuck

"Mom im tired"

And two minutes later he's out

Everyone watching Liams 23 minutes video

Liam's first cupcake!

He didn't eat it but he did a great job making a mess so mommy could get some cute pictures.

Our balloon release.

It was very emotional making the speach to let everyone know the significance of the release and the one pink balloon.

The pink balloon was released in memory of Maddie Spence.

When we couldn't be there for the first few days of Liams life at UCSF, the Spence's were there. They prayed over Liam and watched over him even though they didn't know him or us. They were a gift from God and a huge reason why I survived the NICU.

Elva and I have been friends since JR High

My family from Bakersfield

The Bryant's