Picture Day and more

Friday was picture day at school. Or as my kids chanted excitedly "picture day picture day it's picture day yay" until I thought my ears would bleed or my head expload lol. They were so excited and it made for a fun morning dressing up, doing their hair and pretending to be a wild thing.

Yes pretending to be a wild thing because where would we be if Liam didn't sport his wild thing sweatshirt with hood up and walk around the house roaring at everyone. 

What a fun sweatshirt!!

Liam had so much fun that he refused to let me take the hood off so that I could do his hair. I had to take a brush to his school with me and fix his hair as they lined up to take pictures. 

He wouldn't even take it off to take a picture with sister. Neither seemed to mind since we're all used to the antics around here. Lanie wore a new outfit picked out just for pictures. She proudly sported her healed boots that I never let her wear. (See how she's trying to make it known in the picture lol)

The snags didn't end there though! I had forgotten to go by the bank to pull money out to pay for pictures so we had to leave early to do so. After getting to school I discovered that the picture envelopes were left at home and had to hunt down two more! Thankfully Mrs B, Lanie's teacher had extra!

Once the envelopes were filled out and stuffed with money, I sent Lanie off to class and returned to Liams since it was my scheduled volunteer day. It didn't take long before his classes lined up and left to take their pictures. 

After picture time the teachers lined them up on the tables on front of the class to take a big group picture. I was able to snap a few but can't post them due to safety reasons. 

I did snap this cute picture of Liam on the bench however. I really hope he smiled just like that for his picture because it's adorable!!

The class mascot was included in their group picture so of course we had to take a selfie with her. Her name is Franny and every morning she sings songs with the kids and they tell her good morning. Liam thought it was hilarious to cover my mouth up. 

Later Friday night I took the kids out to Bella's school carnival where they had a blast playing games. 

Lanie has a pretty good arm on her. She tried out the pitching booth and did great. 

We couldn't leave without a picture at the photo booth. 

We stopped off at the 4H booth to pet the bunnies. Liam kept telling us how soft the sweet bunny was. He had no interest in the baby goat though lol. Guess he had enough of goats at the fair!

We played King Kong ping pong many many.....MANY times. Liam loved watching the ball make its way down the board. 

Liam wouldn't let us leave without trying the water gun race game... Twice. He won the second time around. By this time Liam was true my exhausted but we still had tickets to use up. 

So we went back to he photo booth and took a picture with their cousin Steven. 

And this next will have you doing a double take if you know our little lamb. 

We had to at least try the cotton candy. Well truthfully I bought some cotton candy for myself and we sat on the grass to relax. Liam took one small taste then stole the whole thing from me!! He ate it!! And he loved it!!! We ended up going through 4 cotton candys throughout the night between the three of us. Liam ate at least 1 1/2 himself. 

This is HUGE!!! Finally little lamb is fighting through his oral aversion and trying new things and loving them!! 

Friday was exhausting. We didn't get home till almost 9pm. We didn't have much recouperating time before one of our favorite littles 7th birthday party. Little Jada (whom I like to call a sour patch kid) celebrated her birthday in style today with a frozen themed party that rocked it!! 

Her mom worked so hard to make it special and it was perfect. I am lucky I got to help a little with decorations and making frozen themed candy for the kids. 

I found the Wilton mold at Michaels and used the 40% off coupon then bought winco's melts. I went to a local cake shop for edible glue glitter dust for that extra wow factor. Pictured is the first batch which turned out with too much in some spots. The kids loved them though. 

Liam and Lanie enjoyed playing with their friends and seeing some they haven't in awhile. Liam are pretzels, chips, cake and had a blast hitting the piñata. 

After a long two days id say we could use some R&R. In all honestly it's been a long two weeks for me and I desperately need some R&R but it doesn't look like I'll get any anytime soon. 

I tend to end many of my post in a similar fashion but here it is...

This is what life is all about. Enjoying every moment and making it happy and fun. Not hospitals and pain and sickness. Thank you God for another great day with my babies. 

<3 <3 <3

This Love

This...

Right here...

There's so many emotions at play here but love is the forerunner. 

This is true, unadulterated, unconditional love. 

Love that last for all time. 

A love that will only grow deeper as time goes on. 

A love that seeds itself into your soul and spreads like an unstoppable force. 

This is what Valentines day is truely about. 

Not flowers, cards or candy. 

Not cheap or expensive peices of jewelry you'll wear once and then it's left to tarnish in the jewelry box. 

No. 

This love and these cuddles are what matters. 

What's Your Value?

I just read this article and am pretty pissed about it! This mom's whole theory is based on the fact that the one year old won't remember it and that how good a mother you are is judged by the birthday party you throw for any kid under 4 years old. Yes they won't remember it, but you as a mom will. It's your time to celebrate that you had a child, no matter how old they are. This mom obviously didn't think of those mom's whose babies weren't expected to survive let alone make it to a year old. As a mom of a CDHer who was not expected to live, when his birthday comes around I am not just celebrating the day he was born. No, that memory is harsh and still hurts. I am celebrating that my son survived. That I survived. I am celebrating life and remembering all those lost to this horrible birth defect as well as all other mothers who didn't get to hold their sweet baby on their birthday. It's an emotional time. The party isn't about how many presents we can get. I teach my kids that presents don't matter. What matters is spending the time with those who love us and are fortunate enough to be able to be there with us. Presents can take a hike! So hearing that my value as a mom is judged off how good a party I throw is ridiculous and outragous. Does that mean I have no worth because I threw no party for Liam when he turned 3 for fear he would get sick before surgery? Or that on his second birthday I asked for no gifts? How much time did I spend by his side in the hospital? How many nights did I clean up vomit or hold a crying Liam? How many meds and feeds have I pushed through a gtube? Better yet how much of my heart did I give to my son? How many mothers would be willing to go through all this? I know many who wouldn't. I know that my own mother would have walked away to let me die alone if I had been born like Liam. So yes I am pissed that this moms view would deem me superficial and think that me throwing a party for my son to celebrate his life, a life he wasn't supposed to have according to doctors, is superficial. I probably shouldn't take so much offense to this but the fact is I do. I threw parties for my daughter as well because I wanted the memories. I wanted to share her first year. I played slide shows at both kids first birthdays. When I throw a party for my kids I don't expect gifts. All I expect is for people to show up and celebrate their lives and eat a little cake. No gifts are ever required! As a mother our value should be based off our love and our love isn't a party or what we can buy our kids.

Here's a link to the article in question: http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/177392/first_birthday_party_stress_planning?utm_medium=sm&utm_source=facebook&utm_content=fanpage&newsletter

Mini Photoshoot: B&W Kitty

I love my cat. Like really love him. He's like my kid. I helped his momma kitty give birth to him and his sibling. He is 6 months older than Lanie and spent my pregnancy curled up around my belly up until the day she was born. 

Jack has always been protective and watchful of her. He's such an amazing loving cat. Which is why I decided to do a mini black and white photoshoot featuring my sweet furry child. The one who will never grow up. 

Lanie and Jack. Now that she's older and less rambunctious he let's her pet him, play with him and he even sleeps on her bed with her sometimes. 

I love this pic of Lanie giving Jack kisses. 

The Timehop Perspective

It's hard not to campare today to the past when timehop lays it all out there for you to see. As time passes you tend to forget things...or in our case, we wish we could forget things. Timehop is just another tool I use to remember how bad things used to be so that I can be greatful for what today brings. I calm it the timehop perspective because it changes your outlook. Take for instance:

This was Liam 3 years ago today. I was trying to wake him up to get his feeding in. He was still eating all by mouth here but he was eating less and less. We had already gotten the news that he was failure to thrive and would be getting a feeding tube. I was still fighting and killing myself to get these feeds in him to prove that he could thrive and that we didn't need a tube. No matter how hard I tried to wake him up he just wouldn't. The few times he did wake up he ate just a tiny amount before falling back asleep. 

Tube feeds make me so angry and frustrated, at times I want to throw his pump through a window or wanna scream because Liam refuses to eat. Looking at this picture reminded me of how hard it was to get him to eat as a baby. How he literally could not stay awake to finish 1/4th of the bottle. He slept all the time. He started loosing weight. It got scary. If it hadn't been for the feeding tube, Liam would have wasted away until one day his body wouldn't have been able to fight anymore. I'm just gonna say it how I'm thinking it, "damn am I greatful for that feeding tube". Yes. It's true. My son had survived CDH, there was no way I could have let him loose the battle just because he couldn't eat enough. 

I've met many people who look down on me because I "let" my son get a feeding tube. People who blame me, saying I didn't try hard enough. You know what I have to say to those kind of people? You obviously haven't walked in my shoes. You obviously weren't there through my alarm going off every hour so I could spent 30 minutes doing everything I could to wake Liam up to feed him. You obviously weren't there to see how I hardly ever slept because Liam's needs were bigger than mine. You didn't sit there holding your baby crying because you knew if he didn't eat it would mean very bad things. You weren't there when I begged and pleaded with the doctors to give him more time to prove he can do it. Ypu weren't there when they explained that there wasn't anymore time left and that if they didn't do it soon things would get ugly for Liam. You weren't the one that felt defeated and like a failure. Nope you weren't there so don't judge me, my family or tell me how the situation is supposed to be handled. 

My unsolicited advice to you is to think before you judge the situation.

I love my son and have always had his best interest at heart. I would never do anything that would cause him harm. I only want his quality of like to be better. He doesn't deserve to be on quarantine in fall/winter/spring. He deserves happiness and to experience life. He deserves trips to Disneyland I'll probably never be able to afford, to be able to walk through a crowded mall without getting sick, to go to the theaters and watch movies. He deserves long trips to the beach to laugh and feel the sand in his toes and eat fish and chips. 

Liam deserves to be a kid and not a patient. As each year passes, I see him getting closer and closer to this goal. It's amazing and wonderful. I may not be able to take him to Disneyland but I can shower him with my constant, unwavering love for him. 

If there's one thing I learned on this journey, it's that love is important. You must surround yourself with love and those who love you. That's what makes life special and amazing. That's a life worth living and we've got plenty of love. 

Daily Struggles

While getting ready for school Liam seemed excited to go. On the way to school I tried to have a conversation with him. I asked if he was excited for school today. He said "no". 

I was confused. He's never said no to school. I asked him why not. He mumbled something that sounded so very close to 'I don't wanna talk about it'. 

I turned the radio off after that so I could hear him better. I asked him again why he wasn't excited for school. He responded "I don't like it". 

Huh?! What?! Since when?! 

I left it alone and finished the drive to school. 

Once at school he was super excited about being there. SMH so confusing. All I can gather is that he just didn't want to talk. He was probably still tired. 

Liam's speech is getting better but I'm unsure if the words he says are what he means. At times it seems there is a wire crossed in my brain. Things come out that just don't make sense. 

Other times Liam's words and the meanings are clear as day. Like when he really wants something and I'm hesitant to give him it he says "pretty pretty please I have ______?" It's pretty clear what he's saying and what he wants. 

Liam is like a puzzle or sometimes a brain teaser (a really hard puzzle meant to exersize your brain). You have to have a decoder ring to understand what he's saying and what he really wants. 

At times it can be very hard. There are days when he talks it's so jumbled and unclear I have no understanding what he wants. It's frustrating what he wants. On those days I get eye level with him and ask him to say it again. Even then, many times that tactic doesn't work. He ends up mad and angry and frustrated. I end up mad, angry and frustrated. We will both be in tears over it. I have to ask him to grab or point at what he wants so I can understand. But there are days that doesn't work. 

Some days it seems that not only is gibberish is all that comes out of him mouth but his brain has issues processing what I'm saying. If it's over something in the kitchen we will end up going through every cabinet, the fridge and snacks just in hopes to find what he's asking for. 

Some days everything is "no". No matter what it's no. He will ask for something (say fruit snacks) and when I had them to him it's "no" he doesn't want them. 

Liam is the hardest puzzle I've ever tried to put together. I know him better than anyone and I still get stumped. Some days he's just so hungry that he can't decide what he wants or he can't think clearly or have the energy to clearly say what he wants. It took me a long time to figure this out. On these days where nothing makes sense, he gets an extra bolus. 

He then gets angry at me that I'm bolusing his feed instead of getting him something to eat. But after we try 10 different foods it's time to throw my hands up and admit defeat. After the feed he feels better and has more energy and his spec his even clearer. This isn't always the case but sometimes. 

I thought that nothing could get more confusing than when he couldn't speak but I was wrong. These days we are both frustrated beyond belief. This frustration opens up the blood gates. All my anger with CDH pours out like a chink in a damn. Once cracked it fails to hold in the water. 

There've  been days when Liam and I hold each other tight  and cry out our frustration and anger. Some days it just needs an outlet. We both feel better after a good cry. 

I curse and cuss CDH for what it's done to my son, to our  family. For the struggles we go through on a daily basis. 

All we want is a little happiness. A chance to forget about how shitty CDH is. We didn't ask for CDH to strike our family. We didn't ask for the pain and misery it brought us. We're just trying to find a way to make it work. Because that's what we do, we survive. 

School Days

Liam loves school. Every school day we show up early. It's part of the routine and routine is important. That and I don't do it purposely. Lanie has to be dropped off first then we drive across town to Liam's school. Today he only had to wait 5 minutes before being able to go into class. 

Are you ready for Liam? Cause he's ready for you!!

School days put Liam in such a happy mood in the mornings. And doesn't he look adorable in that popeye shirt?! Ironic I know since he's a skinny boy but that's probably why I like it. 

At pickup I snuck into the room so I could watch him interact with the other kids and teachers. 

Today they were singing a song about a whale. Last wensday it was circles. (There are other kids there but I cropped the picture where they wouldn't be seen)

Liam loves music time. Today he seemed a bit tired even during this time. 

Liam made some art work today. It's so exciting to finally have art work come home from him to hang. 

Wensday they worked on hands, counting fingers. 

This came home today but was worked on wensday. 

Today they focuses on feet and counting toes. 

Try actually traced Liam's shoes to make these. Even thought this is his shoe size his feet are much smaller. His shoes just have to be big to accommodate the braces. 

I love having art work to show off. 

After getting home Liam spent some quiet time playing in his room. I had just changed his bedding this morning. 

Have I ever mentioned what a lucky little boy Liam is? For his birthday he received not one but two Thomas the train blankets. Liam loves Thomas the train so when I changed his bedding this morning and took the last Thomas blanket off his bed I decided to put another one on. This made him very happy when he came home. 

Liam would carry both blankets around the house every day if he could but he's been good and settled on snuggling with them in his bed. 

We've been so blessed that Liam has come so far. We know it could have been way worse than it was. We love our monkey boy. 

Untainted Joy

I see other kids Liam's age and I can't help but compare Liam to them. I mean let me honest here, it was a knee jerk reaction. 

"Awe look at your kid running, that's so awesome" Why doesn't mine run?

"Awe she/he just said the cutest thing" I have to decode what my son says. 

"Wow she/he ate all their food!! And wants seconds, sure sweetie here you go" I'm lucky if my kid take 3/4 bites of something. 

Yep knee jerk reaction. I just couldn't/can't help it. Yea I understand the difference between a "normal healthy" child and well mine. He's in a category all by himself. Atleast that's how I felt. There were few others in the category with him but none close and none we've met. Two, maybe three, at max 6 kids.

Other tube fed, cdh survivor or medically fragile child I've followed either doesn't have their tubie long, doesn't eat at all by mouth because they're basically paralyzed or have severe gastroparesis, or eat their hearts out and still don't gain weight (meaning eat everything in sight).

I really thought Liam would be in the 'eat their hearts out and still not gain weight" category. Really did. Nope. Instead my son eats when the mood strikes and doesn't give a hoot to eat on a sched. He's also extremely picky. Yet this kid will stick anything and everything that is not food in his mouth. Yea not fun to wrestle non food items out of a child mouth who have a mouth full of teeth and knows just how to use them!! 

Anyhow I'm getting off topic and not saying what I really wanted to say.

There were times people would post about how their child got their feeding tube removed and how happy they were. The same people would barely post about their tubie journey or give insight to just how they got their once none eating child to actually eat. It's quiet frustrating. Here I am trying to spread awareness about all thing CDH related including and not limited to feeding tubes. 

But still. I congratulated them and on some level was very happy for them and especially the child. Woo hoo tube free!! Amazing. And it is. It really really is. Honestly. But on some sub-level I was dismayed. Disappointed that after all my hard work my son still has his tube and still refuses to eat more often than not. And everything revolves around spaghetti, noodles, Doritos and French fries. Oh and at times fruit snacks and maybe once or twice a month dry cereal. 

But even offering the go to fave foods he still refuses more often than not. And do I really want him to live off those items? Not really. There's not enough nutritional value. 

So you can imagine my frustration (or I hope you can). I've resigned myself to tube feeds, sticky stinky formula, getting up for feeds through the night, having to put the tube in when it comes out, tube infections and fight over food. Yea I'm resigned. It is what it is. 

But today. Today I had a complete different reaction. It was a knee jerk. There were no "why won't my kid do that?" Or anything else. My reaction was pure, unfiltered happiness for someone else's child's accomplishments. I was truely happy for this little boy. And for his momma. 

I was actually taken back by my reaction of pure simple happiness and joy. This was the first time I didn't think about how I wish it were me posting this and not someone else. Nope. Not once. And do you know how that made me feel? AMAZING! 

Truely utterly amazing lifted up in a cloud of happiness. 

I was truly happy for someone else's bliss and improvements.

It felt like a weight being lifted off my chest. Some people don't realize how very stressful it is to constantly worry about your child's health and improvements. Most people never have a reason to have to constantly worry. It takes a toll on your body and your mind. 

It can drive you to the breaking point. To a point where your not sure you can ever return from. And to never be 100% happy for someone else without thinking "why not me" or "why not my kid". It's draining. 

But today I've reached a new platou. Life looks a bit brighter. The sun is shining a bit brighter. Everything has a bit more color to it. I can breathe a bit deeper and smile a guinuine smile that hardly makes an appearance. Yes this is a great day. 

I know a lot of people who if the read this would probably be offended by the fact that they never knew I wasn't completely guinuine when I said I was happy for them. It's not that I wasn't guinuine because I was, but it was tainted by...by jealously I guess. Or maybe it was despair at my own situation I don't know. But they would take this wrong. Twist the words and manipulate it until it's ugly. 

No I was happy for you but yes it was tainted but the tainted was more for my life than yours. Yes I was happy for you bit I wished mine could be doing as well. For a girl whose lived her 31 years on this world filled with more misery than anyone could ever guess, you have to admit that if I can still feel happiness for someone else after all my misery that that's HUGE. Maybe in a way I've been overly happy and overly giving to others to maybe make up for that. I don't know but that's for another post. 

When I saw this picture of a little boy whom I've been following for years now, eating corn, I was overcome with joy. Pure untainted joy. And when his momma told me all he had eatin for dinner my jaw dropped and instantly I wanted to reach into the computer and hug this little boy and his momma. 

This little boy is a CDH survivor and has basically traveled the same exact road Liam had. I bonded with this momma over it. I gave advice where I had the wisdom to share. I prayed for this little boy and his momma more than I can count. I sent his big sisters hair bows. 

When I saw this post about this little boy eating I thought:

Way to go momma!! Wait to go P!! You did it!! 

Pure unedited, untainted joy!! That felt better than anything. 

You learn so much by following others journeys through life weather it's a medical journey or not. But I believe you learn more following those who've had to fight for every breathe they take. They see live differently and are unashamed in sharing how they feel about what they've been through because it's made them who they are today. They appreciate life more. Same can be said for the families of these people. Some cases touch my heart more than other.

In the case of baby P, his story just captured my heart. Not just because he and Liam have the same birth defect or that their journys have been so similar it borders on scary. No two CDH kids are alike. Each one is different and follows his or her own path. There are probably none two as alike as Liam and P. And that fact did help to capture my heart and make me feel close to his momma. But when I looked at his face and into his eyes I felt I could see a peice of his soul. Same as with Liam. Some babies are like old souls and their eyes shine with just love, knowledge and wisdom. Their eyes seem to see into your very soul.

When I looked into baby P's eyes (via pictures) I felt this. Just as I had with Liam. It's like theres an instant bond and you feel connected to these kids. P reminded me of Liam in so many ways I just felt connected to him and therefor his momma. And like me, how I love Liam, P's momma just loves P to peices and wants the best for him. How could you deny a love like that? 

You could tell me a thousand times my son ate a whole meal and I wouldn't believe it unless I saw it. When momma posted a picture of baby P eating corn on the Cobb and mowing down, I could just see the utter joy in this babies eyes. I could (or imagine) him in his cloud of happiness just chewing away. I instantly light up like fireworks. My brain pumped out so much serotonin it was crazy! 

This picture below...this picture makes me feel total untainted joy. And for that I am so greatfull. Because of this I have reached a new platou in this journey where I no longer think "why not my son?". 

(Picture taken by P's momma and shared with permission) check out his FB group 'Baby P (fight the fight little man)

Why not my son? Because it wasn't his time. It was P's and that's something we can rejoice and celebrate. 

I say completely overjoyed and untainted:

CONGRATS BABY P!! YOU DID IT!! YOUR AMAZING!! 

And momma your doing an amazing job!! I know how hard the journey is to get your tubie to eat but you overcame than with hard work and dilligance. You never gave up. That's inspiring to all of us other moms working on getting our tubie to eat a substantial, or even unsubstantial amounts of food. Think about it for a minute. YOU did this. Your hard work is the reason he's eating. You may have a few stains on your shirt but you made it through the food fight. This is the start of a new chapter for you both! You deserve a round of applause 👏, a high five ✋, two thumbs up 👍👍...or maybe a cup of coffee ☕️. 

I don't normally go out on a limb and do this kind of post but you inspired me. I know I helped you through some rough times and you helped me through some rough times, but when I was starting to feel like giving up you inspired me to keep at it. You also helped me grow as a person just being able to follow P's journey. For that I am so thankful. Because of you I can now be joyous for others and untainted. 

You go momma! 

First Cuddles 7/28/11

3 years ago today was the first time I ever held Liam in my arms. I had waited so long and felt it would never be possible. But it was possible and exactly what I needed that night more than anything in the entire world. And once I held him I didn't want to put him back. But as exciting as it was to hold my dear sweet little 5 lb 18 day old baby the memory will forever be marred and tattooed on my brain forever. If you look at the top view of him you can see why but for those you don't see I'll elaborate. Liam wasn't ready to fly. They had just taken the feeding tube out and put him on cpap. He wasn't ready. And even though after a mere 5 min cuddling my son we had no choice put to put him back in his beg and call for respiratory. Liam wasn't getting adequate oxygen and was turning blue, slowly suffocating. A nightmare I still get to this day. They tried a different setting but before 24 hours on cpap he had to go back to the breathing tube. He just wasn't ready. A few shaky breathes later and I resigned myself to be ok with that. To accept it because there was not else I could do and I'd rather have him here with me than not. I realized then that fear can be just as strong as love. And just like love it can over take you completely even over ride love if your not careful. My love meant more than my fear. I let my love for him shine through every minute of everyday hoping that he would feel it and fight harder. I thank God everyday. 3 Yeats ago today and I still cherish every hug, kiss and cuddle as if it was the first. #cdh #cdhsucks #ihatecdh #survivor #love 

NASCAR Sunday

What a Sunday, or NASCAR Sunday as we call it. Liam absolutely loves NASCAR and watches every race from start to finish cheering on Jimmie Johnson and the 48 car. We had a great day. Here's some pics I took through out the day. 

Liam watching NASCAR. 

This picture melts my heart. 

Liam was exhausted and fell asleep halfway through the race. 

Lanie playing with Blu and Luiz stuffed Rio toys and watching her Tia make food. 

Tia hard at work making dinner. 

He's infatuated with his button and showing it off. 

I love this pic so much I used it for feeding tube awareness:

Lanie and I making funny faces at each other. We do this often. 

I find this picture so endearing. Lanie helping her uncle BBQ while Zues stands guard. 

We had a blast. Jimmie Johnson won today's race. What could be better?! 

Breakfast With My Big Girl

There aren't many things sweeter than a child's smile. Lanie smile this morning when I took her to school early to eat breakfast in the cafeteria was worth getting up despite lack of sleep last night thanks to Liam's night terror and stomach pain. This smile I would just about anything for:

Lanie really wanted to go to school early and eat breakfast at the cafeteria more than anything. She begged and pleaded. Yesterday I told her yes. I hadn't expected my night to be so terrible but if I woke up to this smile everyday I'd do it in a heart beat. This smile woke me up better than a whole pot of coffee (and it's healthier than coffee 😉) 

I watched as Lanie stood in line (above pic) for the cafeteria, sanitize her hands before walking in, check in with the lunch lady, choose her food and carry it to the table outside where we sat. 

Lanie opened her cerial without any help. I wanted to cry. I'm just not ready for her to grow up. Luckily I think she cought on because bless her little heart, she asked me to open her milk for her. I was also allowed to open up her spork. 

Lanie poured milk over her cereal all by herself. I was in utter shock at how much she's really grown up. I didn't jump in to do it all for her like my instincts wanted me too. I played nice and let her do it. 

Why?

Because this smile showing how very proud she was of herself. I feel so blessed to have been able to have this moment with her. Next week they will be getting to have lunch in the cafeteria to practice the proper procedures and learn what's expected of them next year when they enter first grade but I was so happy that she choose to have me teach her the basics. 

My heart is overflowing with joy and I am so proud of her. In her own little way she's trying to make the change easy for both herself and me. The little hugs I get when she goes off to class or to play with her friends on the playground are the little moments that will remind me she still loves me, still needs me. 

To the moon and back, I will always love you ❤️

National Siblings Day

Today it's national siblings day. I normally would let this day pass without a word since in previous years didn't have a relationship with any of my siblings. But this year is different. 

This year I can celebrate having my brother on my dad's side in my life finally after all these years. Thanks to Facebook getting rid of the "don't let anyone search for me" setting. Within days of that setting disappearing my Grandmother found me and now I have a whole slew of family including one really awesome brother. We talk to each other like we've known each other our while lives. It's pretty amazing. I am so thankful for my brother. 

I can also celebrate Lanie and Liam's siblingship. They live each other. Lanie is always teaching Liam new things, reading to him and helping him out. Of course they get into trouble together too but that's part of it. These two are amazing  and I pray they continue to  e close their entire lives. 

Lanie reading to Liam about numbers and counting. 

Lanie and Liam enjoying the slide 

Liam would follow her anywhere. 

"Goodnight" 

He always greets her with a hug when she gets outta school.