Routine

My biggest problem of today is running out of closet space in this tiny closet and still having more I'd rather hang than fold. Thank you God for the simple things, for making every day better than the last and giving more days. 

There was a time when things were so bad when I had to constantly worry about Liam's health, his lungs, tons of appointments and had to keep a bag packed and ready to go for a hospital stay because we never knew when the time would come when we'd have to rush off to Children's. 

A time when I had to have an entire weeks worth of "spare" clothes that stayed packed 24-7. When I had to have extra toothbrushes and toiletries. A time when all electronic I would use while at the hospital would be charged frequently, and placed back into my backpack as soon as I was done using them along with their power cords because staying in touch with Family and friends while there kept be tethered to real life. Got me through hard lonely times. 

Truth be told, I have a toiletry bag in the bathroom ready to go. My suitcase never out of reach and I know my closet and dresser better than the back of my hand. I may not have to keep that bag packed and ready to go anymore, but I know that without a doubt that I can pack enough for Liam and I in less than 15 min and be out that door. Yes, I am that good. 

But it's not about being that good. It's about the years of doing this that I just can't stray from. It's still just too new to have just long periods of time between emergency hospital runs.

I'm a creature of habit. Habit is what gets me out of bed in the morning like a robot. When a wrench is thrown Into my habits, I have...complications. I always thought I was a go with the wind kinda person. I was at one point. I thrived on spontaneous actions. That was all before Liam. I'm not spontaneous anymore. I fear doing something spontaneous will lead to forgetting something vitally important. Forgetting something vitally important will lead to serious consequences. 

I may not keep my bag packed anymore, but if you look hard at my stuff, you can pinpoint exactly where it is I will rushedly grab things in the case of an emergency hospital run. 

My days are filled with meds, tube feeds, fighting a toddler to eat more, laughs, silliness, and what some would call boredom. But it's my routine. This is what I do and who I am now. 

So if my biggest problem of the day, after all I've been through is not enough closet space...I'll take it and run.