Finding Strength In Faith

Today isn't one of my best days. Unfortunately it seems like I'm doing worse with each passing day. It's ok though. I survived last years horrible flare so I'm sure I'll survive this too. It got to where I couldn't hardly walk last year so at least this year I'm still walking lol. The way I see it, I can either wallow in my own self pity and make the situation worse or I can rise above it and try to overcome it. 

No I'm not happy about being in constant pain. I'm not happy that I'm loosing control of my hands. I'm not happy I have muscle spasm, headaches and can hardly stay awake. But this is life. Life isn't perfect and neither am I. In our imperfections we find strength and beauty, a will to go one when others would have quite. There's no quitting. That word doesn't exsist in my vocabulary. 

I spend every day praying and wishing I would feel better so I can be a better mom with my kids. While most Christmas lists are full of material things, mines filled with things money can't buy. 

1) I want to be healthy and pain free.

2) I want Liam to continue to progress with his health. I want him hospital free and eventually tube free and thriving. I want him to be happy. 

3) I want happiness and strength for Lanie. I want her to stay healthy and know I love her always. 

4) I want Justin to know that even at our worst, I always and will always love him. I want his anxiety to go away because it's holding him back. 

I should rest more and take it easy when my body says so. Instead I'm pushing myself just so I can be there for my kids. So web can enjoy simple things like making crafts and playing with cars and watching movies. Lanie notices I don't have the energy I used too. I live off caffeine because I am always exhausted no matter how much sleep I get. But we will get through this because thats what we do, we survive. 

I have faith in God and that he has a plan. I can't loose faith, I can't let whatever this is win. I wake up each morning and see the smiling faces of my kids and know that no matter how painful, this day will be good.