Day 1: A picture of you. How are you doing today?
Honestly I'm exhausted. Physically and mentally. My world has been turned upside down. I want to be able to reach out and hug my son. I want to call his name and have him come running. I'm also numb, or dissaccosiated. This morning, at 5 am, we woke up to a heavy shelf in our bedroom falling off the wall, taking the trim with it. It was full of books and photo frames of Liam and other things. We lost a few photo frames and a cross my aunt Rose gave me, but the little boy cherub holding a cat statue survive unscathed. I'm so thankful for that. Emotions ran high and rampad. When I explained to a friend what happened I started to go into freak out mode. That's when I just became numb. It was too much. Metaphorically, I've been feeling like the walls were crashing down on me. Now I guess they physically are as well. It seems... Appropriate to how I feel really. I could laugh at the irony. The hurt from losing my baby is something that is seared into my soul. I will heal, but there will be scars so I'll never be like I was before. Today, right now, I'm just exhausted.
Me holding Liam's monkey that I took and had a 2 pound weight put in so its close to his birth weight of 2 pounds 4 ounces.
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