Failure

This morning the home nurse came out to watch me flush Liam's mediport. This was supposed to be the last time she came out. If it wasn't or my failure to be able to get the needle into the port for the second month in a row then she wouldn't need to come out again. She says I did really good and when she went to access the mediport even she had problems. My needle was bent from hitting the metal side of the port, something even she kept doing because Liam's port was at an odd angle. Despite hearing from her that I did really well an handled the situation perfectly, I feel like a failure. In the end I am responsible for Liam's care. I have to be able to access his port on command and flush it. I don't understand how I could access it on the first try without problems but since then haven't been able too. Did I get to comfortable? Do I just assume I'm going to get it every time? I took longer feeling the position of his port to ensure I'd angle the needle properly. I concentrated solely on my task and didn't let anything distract me. So why is it I couldn't do it? Now she has to drive back here next month and we have to go through all this again. I feel like such a failure. Between the mediport today, my chili beans failing horribly yesterday, not being able to soothe Liam for the first time on sat I feel like this entie last 3 days have been an epic failure.