Grief Journal: Faith

24) Has your faith changed?

Right after my son passed I away, I was really confused. I struggled with my faith. I questioned everything. As I worked through my grief my faith became stronger. Because God sent his only son to die on the cross for us, I will be reunited with my son in heaven. If God loved us that much, then there is no way he would just take my son from me and cause me so much pain.

Now life is about trying to stay on the path that God wants me on and surviving every day that comes my way until I reunite with my son in heaven. I will miss him every second of every day, but I still have a life to live and God's plan to follow. Having faith doesn't make this an easy journey but it reminds me that I'm not alone. It reminds that even though it's hard right now, it won't always be that way.


Click here for the entire list of Journal prompts.

Seven

My sweet, silly little boy. To say I miss you would be an understatement. Today you would have turned 7 years old. I'm sure we would have planned a grand party for you. Ninja Turtles, pirates, sharks, who knows what you would have wanted. I bet your speech would have greatly improved. I bet your feeding tube would have been out this year. I'm sure you'd still be making silly faces at me, wanting cuddles and begging for yet another hot wheels.

This will be the third birthday of yours we've celebrated without you. It's harsh. Every year we try to figure out what we'll do to remember and honor you. Every year we are both angry and sad your not here. You'd be going into the 2nd grade if you were here. How crazy is that? We've done so many new things since you've been gone and with each one we thought of you. We'd talk about how much you'd like whatever we were doing and how fun it would be to have you with us. I'd give up all the new experiences just to race hot wheels with you again.

 Until the day come when we can see you again, hold you again, we are trying to make each day here count. Trying to give your sister great memories. Trying to change the world just a little bit before it's our time. We love you so much little lamb. <3 p="">

To learn more about Liam's story click here 

To watch Liam's memorial video click here

To check out our CDH awareness page, click the Shooting for Liam tab at the top.

To check out our child loss awareness and nonprofit page click the Sent from Heaven tab at the top.

Grief Journal: The Only One

23) What do you do when you feel like you're the only one grieving?

More often than not, I feel like I am the only one grieving the loss of my son Liam. I also know for a fact that I am the ONLY one grieving the loss of the twins my first pregnancy. A lot of people just sweep the fact that you miscarried under the rug like it's something you should be ashamed of. Something your not allowed to talk about. A lot of people believe that it wasn't even a life when you miscarry in the early stages. I think about my twins all the time like I think of Liam. What would they look like?, how hard would it have been to care for two babies at the same time and so on.

For my 3 babies in heaven (Liam and the twins), I have this handle holder thats 3 kids holding hands as if to be playing ring around the rosie, around a candle. I've imagined the 3 of them in heaven doing so so many times. For Liam I have his urn, shelf set up and a candle with his picture on it.

But when I feel alone in my grief, I keep to myself. I write in a journal or blog. I look through his pictures and videos. I cry a lot. I even buy little things when I find them that remind me of him for his shelf.

There's no exact science to what I do when I feel alone. I've also been known to reach out to those that loved him just to try to not feel alone. And when all else fails, I do something for myself. I buy a new Rae Dunn piece, or letter board. I treat myself to something sugary even though it'll make me sick. I color and draw. And my favorite is cuddling with my cat.

Click here for the entire list of journal prompts.