TBT July 24 2011

#tbt #timehop wow 3 years ago Liam was in the NICU and I was so excited that I got to change his diaper for the first time on my own. It was also the mark of when I healed enough from the csection that I could put on jeans and wear real clothes. I was 4 1/2 hours from home in a city I knew little to nothing about. It was a Saturday when justin, Lanie and my mother in law came to visit. We took off walking in hopes of finding a store with reasonable prices clothes since all I had were sweat pants that started falling off me. We walked down Haight street just looking. We were about to give up when we ran right into the GoodWill, only it didn't look like any GoodWill we'd ever seen but a nice shop. That day I scored a few pairs of jeans and some tops and sweatshirt. We also scored a few books for me to read to Liam.

So why is this relevant to our CDH Journey?

From the very minute I found out I was pregnant with Liam I had to overcome situations, fears. When Liam was born sick so many things were thrown at me. I had to overcome my fear that he wouldn't make it and have absolute faith that he would. Yes there were moments when I had my doubts but I'd push those aside and think of the good. I had to overcome my fear of being alone in a city I knew little to nothing about to survive. I had to break through my shy quietness and stand up for my rights and my sons rights. 

If I was going to survive on my own I had to figure out how. If I was going live this new life and make the most of it I had to learn. I had to walk a mile alone on hills to wash my clothes. If stuff the dirty clothes on bags then into my backpack with soap and walk to the laundry mat. Then I'd have to sit there alone surrounded by strangers and wait while my clothes went through the process of washing and drying. Then is have to fold them and place them in my backpack and walk back to the hospital where I slept in a sleep room with 8 other mothers whom I didn't know and put away the clean clothes in my suitcase. There was no privacy. Something I ALWAYS had to have. 

I had to get over it and realize that this was it. This was my new life, our life. At some point I resigned myself to thinking that this was what our life would be from now on. I clung onto the simple things like routine. The doctors and nurses had a routine for Liam and I had a routine along with them that flowed perfectly. 

At one point even that changed as we were finally approved to live at the Ronald McDonald house and justin and Lanie could come and stay permenetly. Again I had to improve and chane the routine until we got one that worked. It was easier to accept that this was it. Our family was together and complete. 

Anyhow. Today three years ago marked the day things started to get better. The day our story started changing from one of tragety to one of success and inspiration.  Just 3 days after his repair surgery and the beginning of great things happening.