Kindness

Today is Kids Day and as I had over my dollar bill to get my paper I am flooded with emotions. As I drive away, I fight against this flood of emotions that wants me to cry. To let loose and set it free. And I'm reminded that I'm still living with PTSD from having my own child in the NICU/hospital. 

Today the emotions were harder to control and a few tears slipped past the barrier. I would have laughed at how ridiculous the whole situation filled but the truth is, it's not ridiculous. It real. It's honest. What's ridiculous is to think I should hide this "brokenness". 

Am I really broken just because I get chocked up at the sight of a baby in the NICU fighting for her life? Am I really broken because I feel for that babies parents and wish I could make it better for them? 

No I don't think I'm broken. I'm me. My experience has made me stronger. It's made me want to help others who are going through this rough journey. It's not easy to have a child in the NICU or in and out of the hospital. So if my only scars are these emotions that I wear on my sleeves then, I can live with that. 

I can be over sensitive it's true, but that sensitivity has allowed me to key in on my son and get him to the hospital before his health declined drastically. It's given us a leg to stand on in our many fights against pneumonia and RSV. 

I'm living with PTSD. I'm not sure I'll ever be cured but I'm not going to hide behind a fake smile. I'm going to let these emotions fuel my fire to help others.

CDH awareness week is comming up (March 25-31). Do something nice for someone in the name of CDH awareness. Breath of Hope  Started the Kindness Project to help spread awareness and I hope you will all join in. 

And of you live in our area, look out for the volunteers wearing bright orange kids day vest and pick up a copy of the Kids Day paper. The money benefits Children at Children's Hospital Cental California (Valley Children's). Read Olivia's story on the front page.