Harvest Change

          The Harvest moon brought with it change. Change of the season, change in ourselves. I can feel it bubbling under the surface trying to break free. 

          You don't notice the little changes you make daily, until one day you see nothing is the same. Your not the same. 

          I strive to be better. To do better. To help more and make a difference. I never know if what I do, what I say is impacting this world any but I still do it.

          I don't expect a pat on the back or a thanks. No. All I ever wanted was to make a difference with my life.

          Yesterday is the past. I cannot go back and change it. I cant go back and get those moments back. They are written and there is no auto-correct for life.

          Today I realized I've changed again. I feel calm and reflective. 

          There's a change in the air. A slight slow change in the seasons. I don't know if it's the position on the sun or the light breeze, or even the slightest change in the color of the leaves. Today, today is different.

          I feel older. Like I've lived a thousand lives. 

          I feel like I've missed out on the last great moments of Liam's babyhood. Or like I've been standing outside looking in through a window. There's a reality and a dream. What really happened and what could have happened. 

          Every day things become more "normal". Slowly the medical issues Liam has takes less time and thought leaving more time for the "normal" everyday things like cleaning. Laundry isn't backed up like it was once upon a time. The sink is empty more than it is full. I enjoy making my bed everyday. I used to never have time to make my bed. 

          I recently cleaned out my closet and chest of dwarers getting rid of all the "old" clothes. Clothes the old me would wear. The new me would prefer to donate them (which we did). Maybe being faced with new life changing decisions has played a huge role in this change. Instead of being stuck in the now, I'm looking to a future where we can be financially stable. 

          Making a change to have a better future. The change has to start with me. I'm slowly changing and with that I believe we can have a brighter future...