I can tell you what the Golden Gate Bridge looks like from a distance but can better tell you what the Bay Bridge is like to cross during a heavy rain storm that all but flooded the bridge, while worrying and rushing to get to my son who had been flown to UCSF.
I walked Haighy and Ashbury streets a million times but it wasn't to sight see. The first time I went down them was to find the Goodwill to buy jeans that fit after weeks in NICU, 4 hours away from home and my own clothes after giving birth to my son. I walked them a million times after that to get from the Ronald McDonald house across town to the hospital every weekend to be at my sons side.
I can give you historic facts about Alcatraz I learnt in school or on the Internet. I can also tell you how we made plans to visit after Liams escape from NICU but never got the chance.
I can tell you that you can't visit SanFransisco without exploring Fishermans Warf but I can't tell you how it smells to walk along the shops and restraunts or how long it takes to explore the wax museum.
But I can tell you how the hospital smelled of soap and dissinfectant. I can tell you that at 7am there's a long wait for the elevators and an even longer ride up to the NICU on the 15th floor. How I stood in silence every day, squashed into a corner in the elevator trying not to let my claustrophobia get a grip on me just so I could be at my sons side. How I had to go down to the 7th floor at 11am everyday to reserve a bed in the mothers sleep room so I could get a few measley hours of broken sleep.
When I think of SanFransisco I think of the 6 blocks I had to walk with luggage in tow every week to the laundry mat to wash my clothes. How in the 48 days there, I never had a few moments of privacy to cry it out. And when I held Liam for the first time how nervous and scared I was and how he turned blue on me. How years later I still have problems holding someone's baby because I flash back.
SanFransisco was a tough city for us. The worst of times with Liam and CDH were there at UCSF. But it wasn't all bad. When I finally got to hold Liam a second time and he didn't turn blue on me but held my finger and looked up into my eyes until he fell asleep. And how my husband called from home as I was holding our son and I cried telling him how wonderful it was to finally have our little miracle in my arms and how I never wanted to let him go.
The first time we took a nap together was there in NICU. Once you got used to holding a baby attached to hundreds of tubes and wires it was easy to get comfortable and fall asleep. The first time I got to change his diaper I was so excited. Finally I got to do something all moms do with their kids. I didn't care that it was diaper duty. I grinned from ear to ear and had anyone nearby snap a picture for me.
Our first family picture was taken in NICU by one of Liam's nurses. That picture is still framed in our living room. And when Liam finally started needing clothes and toys, how happy I was to be able to run out and get whatever he needed that second it was requested. And when we were told he was going home and how happy and shocked everyone was.
That's my SanFransisco. All our good memories wouldn't even be possible without the amazing NICU staff. Our two primary nurses who didn't just look after Liam, but me too. Having our little boy survive what he went through is hugely due to their hard work, dedication and their love for our little boy.
And since its NICU nurse appreciation day, I want to thank these two lovely ladies, Cindy and Sue because without them we wouldn't have our sweet boy. Without then we wouldn't have been prepared or equipped to deal with his needs when we got home. Without them I wouldn't have survived NICU unshattered.
That's my SanFransisco. Full of misery and wonder and miracles. We owe it to ourselves to go back and take it by storm. To enjoy the sights and the tourist traps. And to thank our beautiful NICU team for saving Liams life.
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