Charging Bull

I've been waiting to blog until my fibromyalgia flare up ended. I thought it's be gone a long time a go but instead this time it's stuck around for a month, with no signs on letting up. Instead I'm get worse with every passing day. 

I'm in so much pain that I can't eat. I just vomit it back up. Liquids seem to be fine though so I've been sticking to dark sodas since they stay down better than clear fluids. I'm not even sure how to describe this other than if anyone knew exactly how I was feeling, then they'd probably have me admitted into the hospital. It's been a while since I've felt this truely bad and to be honest, this episode could very well be the worst I've had. 

But still I hold faith. I'm positive the pain will end (or at the least get better). I believe Gods word that after every storm there will be a rainbow. I'm just waiting for that rainbow to appear. Every morning I wake up and every night I go to bed I hold out hope that tomorrow will be that day. 

I look myself in the mirror and sternly tell myself that today isn't the day we wallow in self pitty but the day put on our brave face and push as hard as we can to make it through the day. Even if that means several naps and pjs. 

I refuse to give up. I refuse to let my heart give up. It's been fluttering more with the increase in pain. I close my eyes, take a few deep breathes and calm myself down. My body is tired after years of stress. I see that now but that doesn't mean I wave the white flag. No.  I keep fighting because that's all I know. I charge forward like a stubborn bull. 

I just pray tomorrow will be better.