Finding My New Path

When my world came crashing down on me I felt broken.

I was so broken I didn't think I could be fixed.

The world I once knew no longer existed and I didn't know how to handle that.

The family I once had wasn't the same.

I went from being surrounded by those I loved,

to being surrounded by strangers I knew nothing about,

in a city I knew no one.

A city I had never been too.

I found myself in a world I didn't recognize.

with a sick son I could do nothing for.

I felt alone.

Completely and utterly alone.

Broken.

Shattered.

Unrecognizable.

Unfixable.

I spend the last 3 1/2 years riding this wave.

Trying to find a way to make it work,

in a world of the complete opposite of anything I had once thought to be normal.

My new normal consisted of hospitals,

Doctors.

Meds.

Breathing treatments.

Surgeries.

Schedules.

I lost myself.

And now after 3 1/2 years I am trying to find myself once again.

Who I am.

What I like.

What I don't like.

I'm not sure yet who I am,

It's a confusing process.

A long hard process full of ups and downs.

When you've been living in a cave for so long,

it can be scary to see the sky and the sun.

Last year was the closest year we've had to "normal".

I've been finding myself lost in the mix.

I know I need to find my path again.

I can't continue to be this way.

So I've decided to jump in with both feet.

Try something new,

and if it doesn't work then try again.

This time I jumped feet first into PTA.

I jumped to far that I landed myself on the board of executives.

I guess it's fitting.

For the moment anyway.

I need to connect with people.

Remember what it's like to socialize.

It's scary.

I'm way out of my comfort zone.

Maybe that's a good thing considering my current comfort zone consist of sweats,

treatments,

feeds,

and alone at home with only the kids.

Actual interaction with other adults that weren't medical professionals was far and few between.

I know that this new journey will take a lot of work.

Patience.

Will power.

I just want to find a new way in this world.

One with less medical needs.

One with more smiles.

Maybe even find a friend or two.