We've all heard of the terrible two's. Most of us are even warned of just how terrible a child the age of two can be. But were you aware of the horrible three's?
I never heard of this until my son was 2 1/2 years old. My daughter went through terrible two's and we both managed to get through it unscathed. Things were fine until she was about to turn 6 years old. Now she acts more like a 16 year old during THAT time of the month!! But that's another story.
No one warned me of just how bad a three year old could be. Not until it was too late. My sweet loving little boy? Really? I doubt he could turn into a monster. Not the same boy who even at age two acted as if he was a one year old. He hadn't even gone through terrible twos how could it get worse?
Well right around his third birthday so many things changed. His attitude was a major one. My sweet little boy turned into a monster over night. I say that figuratively although in the midst of a three year old fit I have my doubts. I am shocked every time he has one.
If he doesn't get that toy (or 100) he wanted in the store he throws a earth shattering scream at the top of his lungs people looking at me like I hit him kind of fit. My jaw will instantly drop to the ground in utter shock. Could this really be happening? Yes yes it is.
Those kids that's come through my line when I was younger and didn't know better, the ones that cried and screamed because their parent refuses to spend a few dollars or even less on something they wanted. I couldn't understand why they didn't just buy them what they wanted to avoid that outburst. I mean really what's $1 gonna do? It'd give you peace and quiet.
Oh how naive I was back then. I mean seriously I thought those were one time incidents so I figured why not just spend the $1. I saw no harm in it. I told myself that my child would never behave that way and that I'd spent the $1 for peace sake.
Boy was I dumb! Young and dumb. Younger me was so naive. My kid has been that crying kid in a store because I refused to purchase a dollar toy. I fact it just happened 3 days ago in a dollar store. I refused to buy Liam a cheap train with tack because it looked like it would break before ever getting it out of it's package. I felt it a huge waste of money so i offered him match box cars instead.
What happened? Screaming at the top of his lungs. I was shocked even though it has happened before. Instead of handing him the train and buying it I walked away from the toys and checked out. Nope I was sticking to my guns. Why? Because he does this every time we say no.
I finally realized why those parents would tell their kids no and it would lead to melt downs. This was the reality. All kids throw fits. All parents either stand their ground till the child learns or they give in and this behavior continues. Seeing as how I want the behavior to end, I refuse to buy anything when the fits start. When I say no it's no. Not throw a fit and I give in.
I finally understand that this isn't being mean. It's called being a parent trying to teach their child how to become a thriving well adjusted human being. How would I look at age 31 throwing a fit in the store because I couldn't have that Barbie doll? Ridiculous and crazy right?! Well that's what we want to avoid.
Granted he's still my sweet, loving, oh so adorable son. He just throws fits. Now to clear the air, this doesn't happen every time we go into a store. In fact I was able to take Liam shopping with me the other day and we just so happened to walk down the toys. I thought I'd test his restraint. Mean right? Not really. He needs to learn and I was walking down those aisles with purpose that did not include a new toy for Liam but a present for someone else. He kept saying things like "Oooh cool" and "look mom look cars". I would very gently tell him "No Liam we aren't buying that today" and was blessed with a drawn out "okay mommie". His voice was a little sad but he understood that today was not the day.
After walking down every toy aisle without one fit whatsoever I felt relieved and so so proud. I even wanted to reward him for his restraint so ended up buying him 2 .97cent hotwheels cars. I should of had more restraint but he had been so good I thought he earned it. These are the behaviors we want to reinforce right? So whats the harm in rewarding him for being good? I can't tell you if the reward helped or not because me being me reverted back to my old ways of giving him what he wants while in the store then discretely asked the cashier to hide them from him sight because we didn't want them.
I think the biggest lesson here is that our behaviors can and will cause our children to behave a certain way. As parent's we should stick to our guns and not buy our children everything they want but reward them when they do good. This is a hard lesson to learn, and the habit of spoiling our children is hard to break. That being said I spoil the heck out of my kids. Why? I thought that was what parents who love their children do. That's simply not true. You can love your kids and not spoil them to the point of disaster.
I guess now that Lanie is 6 and Liam is 3 I'm finally catching on to this disastrous behavior. With the recent developments in Lanie refusing to clean her room, Liam telling me no, and me having to clean up after them I'm realized I did it all wrong. Birthday and Christmas presents have always been 10x bigger than they really needed. The random buying of toys just because hasn't helped. In fact it's done my bank account some damage. Why am I broke all the time? Because any bit of pay that doesn't go to bills tends to go to toys, new clothes, new movies and books. Whatever they want.
I'm not saying laying on doing them stuff for one month will make a big difference because it won't. But when you look at the long term effect of these habits it's just shocking how much money is basically wasted. I am highly guilty of spoiling my kids and going without to get them whatever they want not just need. The light bulb went off in my head yesterday and I realized that I've been doing wrong all these years. Sure my kids love it but where has it got me?
Broke and having to deal with huge fits being thrown when I say "No" to buying something for Liam or Lanie (but mostly Liam). Starting now I'm going to try to change these habits and see where it gets me. The money I would have spend on something they wanted is going into a jar and we will see how much I can save up. Hopefully I can re-teach my kids and fix the issue of the colossal fits.
Granted he's still my sweet, loving, oh so adorable son. He just throws fits. Now to clear the air, this doesn't happen every time we go into a store. In fact I was able to take Liam shopping with me the other day and we just so happened to walk down the toys. I thought I'd test his restraint. Mean right? Not really. He needs to learn and I was walking down those aisles with purpose that did not include a new toy for Liam but a present for someone else. He kept saying things like "Oooh cool" and "look mom look cars". I would very gently tell him "No Liam we aren't buying that today" and was blessed with a drawn out "okay mommie". His voice was a little sad but he understood that today was not the day.
After walking down every toy aisle without one fit whatsoever I felt relieved and so so proud. I even wanted to reward him for his restraint so ended up buying him 2 .97cent hotwheels cars. I should of had more restraint but he had been so good I thought he earned it. These are the behaviors we want to reinforce right? So whats the harm in rewarding him for being good? I can't tell you if the reward helped or not because me being me reverted back to my old ways of giving him what he wants while in the store then discretely asked the cashier to hide them from him sight because we didn't want them.
I think the biggest lesson here is that our behaviors can and will cause our children to behave a certain way. As parent's we should stick to our guns and not buy our children everything they want but reward them when they do good. This is a hard lesson to learn, and the habit of spoiling our children is hard to break. That being said I spoil the heck out of my kids. Why? I thought that was what parents who love their children do. That's simply not true. You can love your kids and not spoil them to the point of disaster.
I guess now that Lanie is 6 and Liam is 3 I'm finally catching on to this disastrous behavior. With the recent developments in Lanie refusing to clean her room, Liam telling me no, and me having to clean up after them I'm realized I did it all wrong. Birthday and Christmas presents have always been 10x bigger than they really needed. The random buying of toys just because hasn't helped. In fact it's done my bank account some damage. Why am I broke all the time? Because any bit of pay that doesn't go to bills tends to go to toys, new clothes, new movies and books. Whatever they want.
I'm not saying laying on doing them stuff for one month will make a big difference because it won't. But when you look at the long term effect of these habits it's just shocking how much money is basically wasted. I am highly guilty of spoiling my kids and going without to get them whatever they want not just need. The light bulb went off in my head yesterday and I realized that I've been doing wrong all these years. Sure my kids love it but where has it got me?
Broke and having to deal with huge fits being thrown when I say "No" to buying something for Liam or Lanie (but mostly Liam). Starting now I'm going to try to change these habits and see where it gets me. The money I would have spend on something they wanted is going into a jar and we will see how much I can save up. Hopefully I can re-teach my kids and fix the issue of the colossal fits.
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