I spent many nights worrying over Liam going to school. There were many reasons and fears running through my head:
He's too young.
I didn't get enough time at home with him.
What if he freaks out being left there.
What if he catches a virus.
What if his Gtube got pulled out.
What if he shut down due to over stimulation.
Liam started coming home over stimulated last week. He was fine during class but as soon as I picked him up, he begun to shut down.
Today was no exception. He saw me and at first wasn't ready to go. He wanted to finish singing the song about circles. Of course I wasn't in a hurry so I patiently waited for him to be ready. When he was he walked up to me then immediately shut down. His eyes glossed over and he got a blank stare on his face. At this point he refused to make eye contact with anyone.
He wouldn't say good bye. Wouldn't wave. Wouldn't acknowledge anyone or anything.
He cried the whole way home this afternoon. Luckily we live 5 minutes from his school. Once home he wasn't much better. I had to resort to tactics I used when he was a baby. I laid him on my bed, pitch black, no lights, no noise. After 45 minutes in the dark and a bolus feed, he finally calmed down.
I hated to see him like this. At that moment I wanted to show his teachers what happens every day after school. How he shuts down. They had just stated how he was ready for a traditional preschool. He can't hardly handle two days a week with a day to between the two, there's no way he can handle five days a week.
Today one of his teachers told me that it got pretty loud during one of the activities they were doing and that Liam stuck his fingers in his ears and told them "too loud". I am very proud of him that he is able to communicate verbally and tell us how he feels and what he wants. He's come so far.
I wish he could handle stimulation better. I wish I had a way to help him process better. Baby steps. Slow and steady wins the race.
*note: there will be no pictures of the meltdowns and shutdowns caused by over stimulation. It's too heart breaking and personal to share.
