Beauty In The Past

          I was on Facebook just looking at post as normal when I saw a beautiful post by the page Neonatal Intensive Care Awareness Month about Kangaroo Care. They posted a picture of a mom holding her baby with as much skin to skin contact she could without being completely topless. In the comments a few other moms whose babies where in NICU commented with pictures of their babies when in NICU using the same Kangaroo Care technique of skin to skin contact. One of the pictures was a baby born at only 24 weeks. The baby was so tiny it (the gender wasn't posted) fit in the plam of her hand. The baby had to of weighed less than a pound.
          I found this picture (as well as the others) to be very endearing. To me it spoke of courage and strength for both the baby and it's mother. I showed my husband and he had a complete different reaction. He asked me why I keep reading depressing stuff like that article. I explained how I didn't see this as depressing. Yes at one point I would have but I've long ago lost my anger for our NICU experience. I explained how I felt this picture was beautiful and that it told the story of survival and the will to fight. It told the story of a miracle that a baby so tiny could survive being born at only 24 weeks.
          He said again that it was depressing and that I needed to stop looking and reading things like that. He felt that it was only a reminder of what our son went through and how he's not "normal". My jaw hit the floor. I don't need a reminder from other peoples pictures and stories that my son isn't "normal", how could I forget? But what I see when I look at him is the miracle that he is. Every breath he takes is a miracle for the baby that wasn't expected to live. Every smile and every laugh is a reminder. After years of struggling with this, I've finally reached a point where I can see the beauty in the struggle. I can see past the tubes and wires. I can see the blessings in the midst of the struggle. And that I feel is the key to moving on.
          Just because you move on doesn't mean you can't visit the past. It doesn't mean you have to forget what you've been through. Every trial we face molds us as are we are today. It just means you can look at it differently than you did back then.

There beauty in the fight. He may be laying here sedated but he's fighting for every second. The fact that he has the will and strength to fight is just plain beautiful.+

One of the first times Liam was allowed to be fully alert and awake. Staring into his eyes and having this moment meant the world to me. It was beautiful.

Big sister Lanie meeting her little brother for first time. This picture speaks volumes. It tells a story of a girl who has been waiting a long time to meet her baby brother and to love him. It a story of acceptance and un-ending love.

This picture tells a story of a mother who waited what felt like eternity to hold her child. She sat by his side day in and day out, supporting him just for a chance at this moment right here. The way she looks at her son with such love and devotion. The way her hand it placed tells how gentle shes being so not to hurt him as well as how much she can't believe this moment has finally arrived.

These pictures tell a story of strength and survival, of never ending love and devotion.

Now tell me these pictures aren't beautiful.

I love my son for who is and what he went through only helped him develop into the gentle, caring, life loving kid he is today. Our story is beautiful. Plain and simple.

Delightful Little Boy

Babyhood is full of innocence. Liam's life as a baby was harsh to say the least and I believe that Liam thinks this is just how life is. He knows no other way of life. For a long while is was full of pain for him and he was miserable at times but Liam is strong. Because he knows no other way I believe that's why he was able to smile through it. At times he was so weak, pale and fragile and you could see the pain in his eyes but he would look up at me and break out into a grin. For that short moment while he'd smile he's forget about the pain and I'd have hope. 

Ive been asked many times how I did it. How I stayed by his side through it all without falling apart. The truth is as a parent you kick into auto pilot and do whatever is needed. Why I didn't fall apart is a miracle. But as every day passed id see a change in him and with every passing day is have more hope for the future. 

Liam's transition between baby to toddler was seemingly overnight. For months Liam could only take a step or two on his own and couldn't stand unassisted for long. Then one day everything changed. Liam just stood up and took off walking. Out of nowhere. I remember we were in the doctors office when it happened. I sat there holding him in the room and cried. I was so over joyed. 

From that moment on, everything changed. Liam was no longer a baby. His behavior changed into a toddler. There really was no smooth transition it was just one minute he's my baby and the next he's a full blown toddler going through terrible twos. Liam had almost two years as a baby, just one month shy to be honest. He started walking about a month before he turned 2 years old. It was momentous. 

The little boy Liam is today is mind blowing. He's is strong willed, opinionated, stubborn, hilarious and oh so adorably perfectly boy! 

I absolutely love the little boy he's become. Yes there are moments when I want to pull my hair out but I am so grateful for them. 

He has this high pitch scream he does when he doesn't get his way. It causes me many headaches but I love the sound. When he was in NICU and could not make a sound I couldn't wait for the day I could hear his little voice cry, scream, talk. Now I am getting my fill and more.

Liam hugs are magical. I could be in the worst mood ever and Liam will just walk up to me, climb up and wrap his little arms around my neck. He will then say in his sweet little voice "mommy!" all excitedly, and kiss me before walking away. He melts my heart, pulls all the strings and fills it with joy. 

My favorite quote if all time is and has always been "imagination is greater than knowledge" by Albert Einstein. Every day it watch Liam as he plays and I can see his imagination growing. The way he plays with his cars, stuffed toys, and other things. As I watch him, I find myself sucked into his imaginary world and just for a few minutes I can imagine what he's seeing. 

Every day is a new experience. I watch as he gets stronger with each passing day. Every day his love for food grows and he eats more. It's extremely exciting. Liam's communication skills are growing as well. I find myself asking him questions or saying things that get the response "okay mommie" or "yaaaay yay yay". The way he says "bye bye" elicits the response to take him for a ride in the car. 

Liam knows he cute and knows how to use it. A smile or a bat of his eyes and he has everyone willing to give him anything he wants. No one is safe from him charms. 

My absolute favorite age for Liam so far is the age he is at right now. 2 years and 10 months. Everything is exciting and new at this age. It's all too easy to get wrapped up in their amazing, happy little world.