Between stress and allergies, I feel like I've been hit by a Mac truck with a sinus cold on top of it.
Not only did I get the stress of what happened with Liam and preschool today (click the link to read about it http://mommyconfessionalinmyshoes.blogspot.com/2015/08/liam-1st-and-2nd-day-of-preschool.html?m=1 ) but I found out that my daughters already large, 2nd grade class is getting new students from a they class on Monday. 1st graders making her class a 1st-2nd grade combo.
Today has been a bad day for my anxiety making everything three times as emotional as it should be. By the end of the day I was almost begging for my PTSD to cause another episode of emotional numbness. It's something I've only ever told one person about. Something, until a few days ago, I didn't know what triggered.
I found the following on a FB PTSD page:
I found that I'm not the only one suffering with PTSD who has these episodes. Most the time I'm scared after they hit. And always afraid that another episode will hit.
I don't feel anything during these. Not anger. Not happiness. Not love. Just emptiness. A robot going through the motions.
By the end of today I prayed for one of these episodes to hit. The over active emotions took a toll. Not just mentally and emotionally but physically. That's why I feel like I've been hit by a Mac truck. High emotions effect my fibromyalgia.
Clearly the meds I'm currently taking to treat my depression and PTSD aren't enough. I need something for my anxiety. It saddens me that I can't just be a normal mom without all the pain, depression and PTSD. But I've learned that having all this has made me work harder at being a good mom. All that matters are my kids and taking care of them.
That's what gets me out of bed every morning and what makes me work past the pain and misery. Because my kids are my happiness and I need my happiness
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