Time to get healthy

Everyone has a point they reach where they just can't stand how they look anymore. They're uncomfortable in their clothes or just hate the way they look in today's style. 

Well point reached! Of course I've been here for some time BUT I'm finally being more proactive about it. I finally got the chance to go buy myself clothes (just an outfit) but as I tried clothes on I just couldn't stand how they for or were disappointed that they didn't fit. I realized my size had changed and freaked out. I'm not about to share with you right now my size. I'm sorely disappointed in myself.

We got 45 day passes to the gym and I decided to take advantage of it. Of course the first 10 days I didn't go at all just not being able to find the energy. Friday we took the kids to the gyms pool and from there it's been On. Last night we dropped the kids off with their grandparents and went to work out. According to the treadmill I burnt 300 cals last night. And last night I was playing with the machine and found it inclines. 

This morning I woke up and left the house at 6:45am to go to the gym. I set the machine for an incline workout that was up and down and a lot like SF. I figured I had lost a lot of weight in SF and it helped my waist and legs slim down. I ended up doing this for 45min until hip pain set in. My left hip has been hurting for about a week now so it's not a surprise that it would eventually hurt me for working out. Pain set in halfway through the workout but wasn't bad enough to stop. 

Any how. I plan to stick with it and see how much I can loose before my 31st birthday in July. 

#gethealthy #inshape #keepgoing #workpasttgepain 

Take What You Need

Somedays we need a little extra something to get us going it keep us going. Today I need:

Strength: it was a long night last night and I need the strength to be positive today and get through the day without wanting to hide under the blankets in bed. 

Understanding: people, even family rarely understand everything. Even my husband doesn't understand how often I'm awake at night with our little lamb because he's able to sleep through all the noise. I need him to understand Liam and I had a long night and that both of us could be cranky today. I would also like him to understand the words I say as for what they really are and not what he thinks they are. 

Patience: to deal with all the trials and tribulations that I am sure today will being. 

Healing: for both me and Liam. Liam's gtube stoma is irritated and red causing him discomfort.y allergies and back are causing many issues and I just want them to go away. 

Peace: for me today peace has two meanings. 'Peace and quiet' as well as inner peace. With all the stresses I encounter everyday I rarely experience inner peace. My mind is never at a peaceful state and this is causing sleep issues. I would love for the first time in 3 years to be able to close my eyes and think of absolutely nothing. 

Freedom: I would love the freedom to do what I want for just one day. I would love for both Liam and I be able to not worry about a feeding schedule, meds, breathing treatments. Or just simply the freedom to run or spin in circles with my kids until we're so dizzy we fall and just stare up at the sky. 

So today we will spread our arms wide, stare up at the sky, and spin until we're so dizzy we fall laughing until our sides hurt. 

Hush Little Liam

Liam is having a bad night. He keeps waking up letting out cries. He's uncomfortable and in pain due to his feed. I walked to his bed and he's laying there holding his stomach. Today at the GI when I told her this she thinks it's because of all the antibiotics he's had in the last two months over "gtube" infections that when she saw the pics of she said they weren't infections just irritated. I didn't really agree with her considering the pedi said infection and even Children's said infection on a few. Anyhow she said usually within 3 days the antibiotic are pit of your system but that with Liam he could be having longer lasting affects. She said wait it out a few days more and see what happens. I told her I was giving Motrin and Tylenol to try and get him comfortable at night but even that wasn't helping and only stopping the feed helped. Anyway so here I am at 2:47 am sitting on Liam's bed rubbing his back as he cries put "mama...mommy" every few minutes knowing there's nothing left I can do but stop his feed. So I do and watch as every minute that passes he gets more comfortable and less whinny. I sit here and listen as he calls out "mommy" a few more times then curls into my side for cuddles. I rub his curly haired head and whisper "shh baby. It's ok momas here" and hold him close. 

I sit here and I wonder "how does he do it?"  How does he have to strength to go through what he's been through? How does he deal with the uncomfortableness and the pain and still smile and laugh? How does he have the energy? It seems he's awake and tossing and turning most nights yet during the day he's hyper and happy. I only wish that after these sleepless nights I had that kind of energy. I sit her staining at his now snoring face and love him even more for his strength knows no bounds. His love is everlasting and unconditional. He has a passion for life and a yearning for learning. This little boy has touch so many lives, changed so many lives by just being him. Hearing his story only magnifies the live complete strangers have for him. This little boy who will have left a huge footprint on this world and he's mine. I get the honor of holding him and loving him daily. 

And yes again I've gone off track but that's because my son is now peacefully asleep just 10 min after stopping his feed. I look down at his peaceful sleeping face and thank God he's mine. I look at him and think "he's perfect, scars and all. Just absolutely perfect". Because he is. He couldn't be the Liam we know and love today if he hadn't of gone trough the journey he's been through. I get to spoil him with foods and candy whenever he wants it just because of his slow weight gain. His wants are simple. Food and cars and he's a happy camper. Medical needs aside he's a simple boy who doesn't ever ask for much. He will choose a $1 hot wheel or matchbox car over a $40 toy any day. Give him a bag of durritos and a sippie cup of water and he's a happy boy. 

I'm going to stop rambling as it's 3:10 am now and end with a picture... Or two from today. 

{pic below of the nurse at the GI clinic taking Liam's vitals. Liam whose been through this millions of times is just sitting there patiently waiting and bored out of his head. She took longer than he was willing to give her to listen to his heard so he started laughing and playing with her stethoscope. }

{pic below is of Liam posing for a picture with Nemo. He heard he was getting the Nemo room today so he ran as fast as he found in his squeaky sandals to get there. All the nurses smiled at his cuteness and laughed over his silly shoes. Once in the room I told Liam to find Nemo and he searched until he found Nemo hiding behind a chair which he pushed at until he could squeeze behind it. I moved it so he could "play" with Nemo. I asked him where's Nemo? And he point to him then rambles on while staining at Nemo. Finally Liam declares "Nemo paint mommy". What a jaw dropping moment. Yes baby Nemo was painted on the wall. "Hmm paint" he said then laughed. We knew Liam was smart by how he figured out puzzles and problem solved but I never realized how much he actually caught on to things. I always thought he was in his own little world most the time but I was severely wrong. He may be slow at the talking game but this boys brain has been in the game learning and soaking it all in like a sponge.}

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